All four major late-night talk shows returned Monday after a five-month-long writers’ strike-induced hiatus, and they had plenty to say about what they did during that time, what they missed and what Taylor Swift has been up to lately.
Pretty much all of the shows followed a similar format in their returns — including John Oliver for his return on Sunday night — which included promoting the podcast they all started together called Strike Force Five, joking about how much their families got sick of having them around, thanking their staff and crews and quickly touching on as many big news items as they could that had been missed. For the latter, they all did it in their own styles: Jimmy Fallon via song, Seth Meyers with speed talking and Jimmy Kimmel with a Trump-centric approach.
Here’s a look at how each late-night host returned to the air after five long months.
What they said about the strike
Stephen Colbert: The writers got “better pay, protection against AI and, due to the picket lines, fresh air and sunshine. And they do not care for that. Now they are back safely in their joke holes, doing what they do best: making my teleprompter word screen full of good and ha-ha.”
Jimmy Fallon: “I just want to say I’m so happy all the writers finally got their fair deal that they deserve. You got to hand it to them, only writers would spend all summer fighting to go back to the office. It’s like, ‘What do we want? To go back inside. We’re not beach people.’”
Jimmy Kimmel: “This is a big win for the little guy. And a big win for the chubby guy, and the hairy dude and the weird girl who doesn’t make eye contact. And for the two potheads in the Star Wars T-shirts that are too small for their body. The guy who’s too old to have a ponytail, and the lady whose cats each have their own Instagram pages. We call them writers and they are all back to work, thank goodness.”
Seth Meyers: “I would like to thank the WGA negotiating committee, the guild leadership for all the time they put in, all the personal time they sacrificed to be in the room negotiating for the very fair deal. That all the writers deserved.”
How they dealt with their time off
Colbert: “It’s so good to be back here in the Ed Sullivan Theater. Because after the first few months of the strike, Evie [his wife] refused to keep chanting my name.”
Fallon: “I had a lot of time to sit and really think, you know, and I finally just took a moment, and I just realized how grateful I am for all of this and for this show. I really love it, I really love this job. I love doing it, I love telling jokes, I love interviewing people, I love making you laugh. I’m very lucky to have this show, and I want to thank you all for supporting and choosing to have me in your bedrooms at nighttime. This is what I love to do, and I want to do it for a long time, I’m so happy to be back. Thank you to our crew, our staff. Our writers are now back in the building, and we’re gonna make some fun shows.”
Kimmel: “You know what the weirdest thing about being off the air is? When I walk into a room nobody claps. I walk into a Costco and I get nothing.”
What they said about Lauren Boebert getting booted from a live production of Beetlejuice
Colbert: “Lauren Boebert got kicked out of a touring production of Beetlejuice for ‘causing a disturbance.’ Which turns out was code for ‘yanking her date’s crank at a family-friendly show.’ According to witnesses, she was apparently ‘trying to start him like a lawnmower.'”
Fallon: “I’m so excited to be back, seriously. I’m more excited than a guy seeing Beetlejuice with Lauren Boebert.”
Kimmel: “Turns out, Lauren Boebert, a lot more fun than she seems.”
How they reacted to Donald Trump’s mug shot and fraud trial
Colbert: “Trump never passes up a chance to grift a buck, so he immediately [after his Georgia arrest] began selling T-shirts, posters, coffee mugs and even a beer koozie with the mug shot and the slogan ‘Never Surrender!’ But reminder: That mug shot was taken the day Trump… surrendered.”
Fallon: “When the mug shot photo was taken, Trump listed himself at six-foot-three and 215 pounds, these guys here…” (Shows a photo of shirtless Chris Hemsworth as Thor and shirtless Jason Momoa as Aquaman)
Kimmel: “Every time something happened in the news I would get texts asking me if I was bummed we didn’t have a show that night. And mostly I was fine, but the one that really got me was when they booked Trump in Georgia and he self-reported his weight at 215 pounds. I almost crossed the picket line for that.”
Meyers: “Generally speaking, if you’re an alleged criminal trying to look innocent at a fraud trial, I would not go with ‘menacing scowl.’ If you didn’t know the context and just saw his face, you’d think he was on trial for… all the murders.”
What they said about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce
Colbert: “Right here in New York City a world leader came to town, Taylor Swift, who was at last night’s Jets game to watch her new beau Travis “The Football” Kelce, superstar tight end for the red team.
“This is all great publicity for the NFL. Mere rumors that Tay-Tay might be at last nights game-game sent ticket prices surging more than 40 percent. It used to be that you couldn’t afford to watch Taylor Swift, now you can’t afford to watch Taylor Swift watch something.
“Of course it is not an official celebrity romance until they have a couple name, which is why I’m deeming them Traylorskwelce.”
Fallon: “We’re back and we have so much news to cover, and I’m going to sum it up for you in just two words: Taylor Swift. Good night everybody… (Pretends to walk off stage)
In reference to her appearance at Sunday night’s NFL game between the Chiefs and the Jets:
“If you took a drink every time they showed Taylor on TV, you’re in your hangover era.
“Ironically, to get tickets, Taylor had to spend six hours on the phone with Ticketmaster.”
Welcome back, gentlemen. You were missed.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and Late Night With Seth Meyers air on NBC; Jimmy Kimmel Live! airs on ABC; The Late Show With Stephen Colbert airs on CBS.
