Singer K. Michelle encouraged Black women to be susceptible to dating outside their race while appearing on the Sept. 28 episode of the Black Girl Stuff podcast.
The conversation started halfway through the interview, where Michelle explained the concept of her latest album, I’m The Problem. The “Can’t Raise A Man” singer got candid about the adversities of dating today as an independent Black woman, claiming toxic men find self-loving and resolute women threatening. After Michelle asserted she’d refrain from dating, co-host Brii Renee mentioned the singer’s newfound affinity for country white men.
“I love me a white man, country white men,” the 41-year-old former reality television star said. Renee exclaimed she never experienced dating a white man, and Michelle insisted she needed to “try it out.”
“Let me tell you this, and people are going to be so angry with me in this sentiment, and I don’t give a fuck. I will be your problem. The thing is love who loves you. It doesn’t matter their race, color or whatever. I see so many Black women that come up to me heartbroken. And they won’t date anybody. They have to date a Black man. I get it. But what about just dating a man or dating a woman that loves you? [Why] is it a focus on color or gender?”
Michelle stated that when she traveled to various places, white men flirted with her.
“I had to look and be like, ‘Oh, this man is really flirting with you,’” she said.
The singer added that her son, Chase Bowman, dated outside his race. She then instructed women to look beyond race and gender and to accept whoever their soul connects to.
As Michelle predicted, Black commenters weren’t feeling her suggestion:
“I’m not letting a bitter Betty tell me anything about a relationship. K. Michelle is the problem. K. Michelle is bisexual and still single. She can’t keep nobody. Change your mindset, and good things will come, ladies.”
“Single women keep other women single.”
“I’m sorry. White men will never have the swag, culture, camaraderie, culture or anything I seek in a Black man. There are plenty of good Black men out here. But, y’all do y’all.”
“She is correct. Date who you want to date. Love who loves you. I totally agree. I just wish Black men/Black women [would] stop blaming their own when it comes to their relationship shortcomings. Stop blaming ALL Black women when a few sisters from your past hurt you, bro, and stop categorizing ALL Black men together when the few brothers you dated broke your heart, sister…I NEVER see Latinos, Europeans or Asians have this type of discussion, only us.”
K. Michelle wants Black women to reach outside their race preference margin when dating, but there’s a grey area to that suggestion.
As Michelle stated, focusing on a soul connection with someone regardless of race is essential in dating. However, one thing Michelle missed was that Black women and men must be cautious when dating outside their community.
Many factors play into what makes or breaks an interracial relationship that couples have to be cognizant of. According to a study by Rose M. Kreider of the U.S. Census Bureau, family and friends’ acceptance of the relationship plays a vital role.
The study found that white families were more condemning of their loved ones’ interracial relationships than Black families, which raises concerns over the safety of the minority.
Couples may not like each other’s families, but there’s a difference when a family member or in-law disapproves of a relationship due to race.
Additionally, an interracial couple may be accustomed to different cultures and environments, which could cause clashing, especially when children are involved, according to Kreider’s study.
For example, one partner may not want to raise their child in a religious household while the other does since that’s the way they grew up. Or a white husband may not understand the hardships of being Black in America and therefore won’t comprehend why his Black wife is adamant on ensuring their mixed-race child is aware and careful when out in the world.
Michelle may not have considered the many (important) reasons why Black people are unyielding to dating within their race — aside from wanting to maintain Black culture and traditions or be with someone understanding of being Black.
Dr. Guerdy Sauvignon Markowski wrote a dissertation for Nova Southeastern University, analyzing varied interracial relationship structures (Black men and white women, Black women and white men). In one part of the dissertation, Dr. Markowski acknowledged that several factors contributed to Black women historically disapproving of interracial relationships.
“History of slavery and rape/forced relationships, concubinage/politics/laws preventing Blacks from interracial marriages, harsh and cruel punishment of Black males and females, maintaining racial-cultural heritage and communities, fear of perception of being a prostitute, physical appearance or attraction/body hair,” etc.
Still today, Black people are targeted because of their race and don’t want to worry about that in their love lives. There are numerous stories of white significant others reaching a breaking point and hurling the N-word at their Black lovers out of anger. It creates a rift in that partnership, and there’s no way to backpedal.
Dr. Markowski also mentioned how, for years, white people have fetishized and hypersexualized Black people and their bodies. So, it raises the question of whether that potential interracial relationship is real love or simply a fantasy being fulfilled.
You can tap into K. Michelle’s full interview below.
