For me, kindness is about making a connection.
This could be taking the time to listen, an unselfish act of care or showing a stranger that someone is looking out for them.
In the dark days of January 2021, as we endured yet another Covid 19 lockdown, connection with others was one thing we were sorely lacking.
We were missing the comforting hugs from our loved ones and also the small daily acts of kindness with strangers that build a community. Simple things like holding a door open, chatting with a shop assistant or complimenting a girl in the pub toilet on her dress.
As a mum to two small boys, trying to juggle work as a freelance journalist and homeschooling, I felt isolated and helpless, especially when a good friend lost her father to Covid and we had to stand two metres apart as we tried to comfort her. There was little to look forward to and it was hard to stay positive.
So one Saturday evening, I decided to change out of my lockdown comfies and put on a long zebra print dress from Topshop that I’d bought before the pandemic and not had a chance to wear.
The simple act of dressing up in a special outfit was a real lift and I decided to share a picture on my social media.
To my surprise, friends responded to say they missed getting dolled up too – and it inspired an idea.
The following Saturday, I invited everyone – whether friend or stranger – to put on their glad rags and join me for Party Dress Day.
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It didn’t matter what you were doing – cleaning the bathroom, walking the dog or catching up with friends on a video call. You just had to don an outfit that made you feel fabulous and ready for good times to come.
I created social media accounts and a hashtag to try and whip up interest, along with an official playlist on Spotify. I hoped a bit of ‘dopamine dressing’ would give others the lift they needed to keep them going through the difficult weeks ahead.
But I also wanted this light-hearted bit of fun to have a wider purpose and I encouraged participants to donate to my JustGiving page in aid of The Good Grief Trust, a national bereavement charity.
As my dress-up day arrived, I imagined it would be me and a few family and friends participating.
But as the hours passed, more and more people were sharing their pictures on social media – from my cousin in the sequined hen do dress she’d never had a chance to wear to strangers stomping through the rain in ballgowns and wellies.
We might have been socially isolated but we were a community stretching from Edinburgh to Bournemouth, connected in a common cause.
I shared everyone’s pictures and posted video updates throughout the day and evening, to encourage people to join in and donate. I’d expected we might raise a couple of hundred pounds. But our fundraising total was a staggering £1,700.
By reaching out and being kind, a huge group of others had responded with their own acts of kindness. It was life-affirming – and infectious.
As word spread about the first Party Dress Day, I had people asking when the next one would be and I hastily set up a second event for Easter Sunday 2021, which raised another £1,100.
I even put on my wedding dress for the first time in ten years after pledging to do so if we hit a certain target. The response was so enthusiastic, I decided to make Party Dress Day an annual event. Now it takes place on the last Friday in January, arguably the most depressing month of the year.
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It’s the perfect way to shake off the January blues and also show anyone who is grieving that they are not alone.
Each event has welcomed new participants, who embrace the concept in different ways, whether that’s doing a gym class in a tutu or putting on an outfit that connects them to a lost loved one.
With the support of The Good Grief Trust – who I am honoured to say have made me one of their ambassadors – Party Dress Day has become much bigger than the original idea.
Yes, it’s lots of fun but dressing up is a form of self-care and positivity that can be crucial when you are grieving. It’s also allowed people an avenue to open up about their own bereavements and reminded us to live for the here and now. Don’t save special outfits for ‘best’ – enjoy them every day.
To date, more than £8,100 has been raised to offer help and hope to anyone who has lost a loved one. It makes me so proud to think a small act of kindness has had such a profound effect.
But the best part is seeing so many others pay it forward and be kind too.
Party Dress Day 2024, in aid of The Good Grief Trust, takes place on Friday 26 January 2024. Find out more at justgiving.com/partydressday and follow the event on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
