“My mother, however, has boundary issues and doesn’t like the word ‘No.'”
A concerned healthcare worker took to the internet for advice after a family dispute.
The story, shared to an anonymous forum, garnered thousands of responses from armchair experts on Reddit, who dove head first into the family drama.
While the tale involved a less than assertive sister-in-law, an overbearing matriarch, and a family text chain that went off the rails — what ultimately seemed to sway readers of the post to be in favor of the woman was her thoughtful responses in the comments section.
Read on to see how the whole thing played out for yourself.
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AITA for telling my mother it was inappropriate to ask my brother to FaceTime him during my SILs labor & delivery?
“I (38F) was in the group chat with the rest of our family awaiting the arrival of my brother (34M) and SILs [sister-in-law’s] (29F) baby boy,” the post began. “When my brother sent a message saying his wife was dilated enough to start pushing and the doctor and nurses were there getting everything set up, my mother sent back a text saying, ‘FACETIME!'”
“I was horrified that they would do that because my SIL is an extremely quiet and private person,” OP explained. “I couldn’t imagine any scenario in which she was ok with that. So I shot [a text] saying, ‘Absolutely NOT unless SIL agreed to this! That is a completely inappropriate request.'”
“My mom came back with, ‘She did.’ And I just said, ‘Whatever.’ My dad then jumped my arse in a text message saying that I shouldn’t talk to my mother that way, that she and my brother had already discussed doing this, and that it wouldn’t be during the actual delivery of the baby but afterwards,” the woman continued.
“I told him I didn’t care what brother and mom had discussed as they weren’t the one in labor and if mom wasn’t intending to FaceTime during the actual delivery then why did she demand to FaceTime as soon as brother said it was time to start pushing? And why did she say SIL had already agreed in response to my message?”
“Honestly, even if SIL did agree to this, I still don’t think it was appropriate thing for my mom to ask. If it didn’t come as an unprompted offer directly from SIL, it’s incredibly inappropriate for anyone else to ask. My brother and mother should’ve respected my SIL enough to grant her privacy for such a momentous occasion,” OP concluded, and asked, “AITA [am I the a-hole] for snapping at my mom and defending my SIL?”
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OP Hit the Comments Section with More Answers
While the post received a certified NTA (not the a-hole) rating, there were some questions readers had.
When it came to whether or not OP was against FaceTiming during the birth, she clarified, “It’s perfectly fine for SIL to do this. My mother, however, has boundary issues and doesn’t like the word ‘No.’ SIL is quiet, reserved, self sacrificing, and tends to be a people pleaser.”
“My mother frequently walks all over her,” she went on to explain. “My thought process was that this is something that should’ve been offered by SIL if she truly wanted anyone else there or to FaceTime during delivery. My mother directly asking her would put pressure on SIL to grant permission whether she wanted it or not.”
“I mean, SIL didn’t even offer this to her own mother,” OP added.
Initially the demand to FaceTime was during the delivery. It wasn’t until I said something that they started crawfishing and saying, ‘Oh, it was for after the baby was born.’ So I feel like they were lying to save face after being called out.”
When questioned as to why she got involved at all, she replied: “Because it goes against my grain to not say something in defense of vulnerable people. My job literally revolves around advocating for patients. While SIL wasn’t my patient in this instance, she was still a vulnerable patient and I didn’t want my mother taking advantage of her if she wasn’t able to fully verbalize consent.”
While in response to another commenter, she wrote: “You questioned why I got involved. I gave my reasoning. I fully understand that it was a group chat and not a hospital setting. But my ethics don’t stop at the hospital exit. Every vulnerable person deserves a voice and if I’m in proximity, it’ll be mine… Especially since my brother seemed to be in on the plan.”
One commenter noted, “NTA. Just [know] MIL reddit is full of stories where people feel pressured by MIL to agree to something but they don’t want it or change their minds in the the moment. Even if she did agree beforehand she may not have agreed once the reality of labor set in.”
“That’s what I’m afraid may have happened if it turns out she did actually agree to it,” OP replied. “I mean, she didn’t even offer this to her own mother.”
When someone noted that her mom already said she wanted to FaceTime afterwards, OP replied: “Initially the demand to FaceTime was during the delivery. It wasn’t until I said something that they started crawfishing and saying, ‘Oh, it was for after the baby was born.’ So I feel like they were lying to save face after being called out.”
What do you think?
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