Let’s head to the pink sands of Bermuda with our Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Meredith will be experiencing some troubled waters — but just because she is the ONLY one lacking a bathtub. Let us take a soak in everyone else’s tub, shall we?
Meredith is getting ready for her trip to Bermuda while Brooks rolls his face. She is having a monologue with herself since her son is catatonic like my cat is when she grooms herself. Whitney and Justin (thankfully without his labeled beanie) are talking about the trip, but she is still annoyed with Lisa. She feels like she was blown off by her, and her little itty bitty “fillings” are hurt. The ladies all have concerns about entering the Bermuda Triangle — as they should — since a storm is brewing.
They arrive in Bermuda and load up in the Sprinter driven by Jonathan, and they are already b*tching about the AC. Meredith is freezing since she was never properly defrosted from her cryo chamber. Heather lets us know Mer was popping sleeping pills and drinking on the plane. Mer is convinced that she is getting sick, and they are afraid it will be a Weekend at Bernie’s trip having to prop Mer up and roll her around the island. The house looks gorgeous, and the views are stunning and make me want to go to Bermuda. We have the usual stuff of trying to get the best room, but all Mer wants is a tub, which we can clearly see she will not get since she is moving at a snail’s pace.
Angie is wearing those ridiculous sunglasses that envelop her face, and she also has bling on her forehead. I am glad she has limited time on this episode since her fashion is distracting. Monica wants to check on Meredith since she wants to pretend that she is the only compassionate one. She brings her food, and we find out that Mer has not eaten but just drank, which explains her lack of energy. Meredith says that everyone should see she is sick and cannot understand how she does not have a tub. She would do that for the others, and they do not respect her.
Whitney and Angie are on the beach chatting about what happened at Meredith’s event and how Mother Lisa was not there for her. Heather then gets her sneaky paws on Lisa and lets her know Whit is spinning tales that she has become Lisa’s guiding light to kinder futures. Lisa is clearly triggered by hearing this and refuses to give Whitney the credit for her being a better person. Monica tells the other ladies that Mer is calling them selfish — but not her — for not giving her a tub. She will not give up her room, and Heather needs her tub for her dirty clothes hamper.
Producers send a mobile medic into Meredith’s room, who hopefully has access to a kiddie tub that he can run a hose to. Meredith is getting an IV to hydrate her. The ladies head out to the beach for a rum tasting, but they are all dressed up in heels while walking on the beach, which I find absurd. Monica claims she just started drinking in her thirties because of her strict upbringing, which makes no sense to me since she claims her mom was not a good role model. Whitney is having her rum while dressed in a coverup that has the color palette of an Oompa Loompa, which matches her skin tone. Meredith is getting her makeup done while she has her IV in, so once she rises out of her coffin bed, she will join the group.
While traveling to the restaurant, Meredith has made a full recovery. She now does a poll on who has a bathtub in their room, and the other ladies raise their hands. This season started on dirty bathtubs, and it looks like it is ending on that boring note. In her confessional, Heather wants to know how anyone was going to be able to get a leisurely bath in this group — except Whit, who production shows will use any excuse to strip down on camera. Side note: Jon the Sprinter driver is listening to this drivel and cannot wait to dump these b*tches off.
Meredith and Angie then go over the meaning of threatening someone. They agree to sit down together and chat about their differences. Lisa just wants to get some dinner, and she is ordering everything off the menu. At that moment, I am the Lisa because I hate to miss a meal! The ladies tell Meredith that they are sorry that she is hurt. Mer gets her coddling, and she finally shuts up about the tub.
Whitney is still hurt over Lisa’s lack of comfort at Meredith’s event. Heather is befuddled by how Whit relies upon Lisa for motherly attention. She is confused about the strength of this friendship and finds her to be a weird devotee of Lisa’s cult. Whitney explains if she told them how close they were it would trigger the others to mess it up. Dear Whitney, no one is looking to Lisa to provide anything to them — except maybe Vida Tequila and makeup tips. Lisa then shares what Heather claimed Whit told her about helping Lisa be a better person.
Heather lets the group know that Whit is taking credit for making Lisa more intuitive. She had been having those hard conversations with Lisa. Whit thinks that Heather is meddling since she is jealous of their bizarre friendship. Lisa tells Whit she is a friend who requires you to walk on eggshells since she is fragile. She brags she is a tough chick and not everyone can manage it. Whit tells Heather to shut the f*ck up, and that triggers Heather.
Heather finds this newfound friendship to be delusional on Whit’s part. She finds it bizarre that Whit needed to run into Lisa’s arms first for comfort after her friend died. Whit wants Heather to stay out of her business. She thinks everyone is triggered by their friendship, but Miss DimWhit is the triggered one because she is in the friend triangle with Heather and Lisa. Lisa looks like she is enjoying being fought over by the two cousins. Mer and Angie are simply happy they are not ruining this dinner by fighting, and they clink their glasses. We then get a thunderclap to end this disastrous dinner, and the ladies must exit the restaurant.
Back at the house, Monica and Meredith stay up to talk about the evening. Meredith is still going on about the damn bathtub. Monica has inserted herself into Meredith’s rectum at this point. Meredith needs to eat since she has had too much alcohol on this trip. Monica then shares that she and Meredith met for lunch and a discussion about DMs regarding Angie’s membership in the Greek mafia. Monica has received documents on Angie and Shawn’s finances AFTER having lunch with her Svengali Mer. Meredith claims she has not checked in a while to see if she has received more DMs from this mystery Instagram account, but she lets Monica know that karma comes back to bite you when you do terrible things. Is she letting Monica know that she is behind the mystery accounts?
Next week, we have Monica’s birthday, and we now have allegations about Angie and the Greek mafia. Lisa thinks that Meredith is behind it because something similar happened to her. Have a wonderful Wednesday, Blurbers, and see you tonight in Miami!
TELL US — THOUGHTS ON THIS RHOSLC EPISODE?
