An overwhelming number of people felt that a grandparent owes nothing to their kids’ stepchildren … and bio grandkids are the ONLY ones that matter
A grandmother has taken to the internet after some expensive gifts she bought ended up causing family strife.
The woman shared her story to an anonymous forum seeking advice — and boy did the Reddit community give it!
The impact of the tale, which was initially short and to the point, ended up growing larger in the comments as many readers had very strong feelings on the subject — even leading to consequences for Grandma.
Read on to see the whole story.
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AITA for not buying the same gifts for my step grandchild?
“My son has a 14yo daughter Clara and a 15yo stepdaughter,” Grandma began. “My son doesn’t have a good financial situation and while they do their best they can only afford necessities.”
“A few days ago Clara was visiting us and we were talking,” she explained. “I asked her about school and she told me that she is having a lot of problems because she needs a computer for some of her homework and she needs to visit the library (that is far away from their home) to do her homework also kids are making fun of her for not having a phone.”
“As a grandmother I can’t just step aside and watch my granddaughter struggle so even though we, ourselves don’t have a very good financial situation, we used some of our savings to buy a macbook, phone, headphones and a few school supplies for her and she was obviously very happy when she received our gifts,” the grandparent continued.
“However this has caused problems because my DIL [daughter-in-law] is mad that we didn’t do the same for her daughter. We told her that instead of getting upset she can ask her child’s grandparents to buy things for her and she called us a–holes,” OP concluded. “My son informed me that she has been trying to get Clara to share but they have been refusing to do [so].”
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Brutal Hot Takes in the Comments … Plus Grandma Gets Shadowbanned
Reddit gave an update hours after the highly popular post went live, restricting comments on the entry due to a high volume of rule violating interactions.
Even more severe, Grandma’s account was suspended, with Reddit giving the following explanation: “This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.”
However, the original comments on the post from readers were still very much alive on the thread — and judging from the missing responses from OP, it’s clear she was very involved in responding to fellow Redditors.
While her comments vanished, there were still plenty of heated replies and comments on the restricted post to get a sense of the overall response.
People need to stop it with this […] bio grandkids and step grandkids equality BS. I don’t feel obligated to equalize my spending — the only people who need to feel that way are the actual parents.”
One supportive comment read: “This is not a popular position but when someone marries a person with a child they are agreeing to treat that child like they would their own. That does not require everyone in their lives to do the same. You are required to treat your step grandchild with respect and kindness – but you are not required to treat them the same as your grandchild.”
“This,” another user agreed in response. “The parents are responsible for treating their children equally. While it would be nice if you did the same, it’s totally understandable that you can’t afford it for both of them and put your grandchild first. That’s normal. I’d say.”
While one particular commenter went even harder: “People need to stop it with this your bio grandkids and step grandkids equality bs. I don’t feel obligated to equalize my spending – the only people who need to feel that way are the actual parents. Taking better care of my bio grandkid is favoritism- but why would or should I favor some random kid who is only in my life because my kid married their parent? If I actually do have feelings of love and affection for the kid I will express it financially but if not you’re the child of my kid’s spouse and will be treated as such. I’m not obligated to short my bio grandkids to make things ‘fair’ for them.”
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However, OP was not posting in an echo chamber, as one Redditor pointed out: “This does not make sense when OP says they are not well off. A Macbook costs [twice as much as] non-Macbooks. A 15 year old would not NEED a macbook specifically like e.g. I need it for work (and my work buys it because I wouldn’t spend that much on a laptop myself). You could buy 2, getting Clara the better one, and still spend less!”
“I would perhaps vote N T A if you bought only Clara, but did not overspend on a Macbook,” they concluded. “[So the] other grandparents could quite reasonably match it, but as this is stated YTA.”
While another wrote: “This thread is what has convinced me more than anything that Reddit is populated by selfish children. I was adopted. I had a cousin that was adopted. I have a step-daughter from my first marriage. My grandmother had half-siblings who had families.”
“*Every* child in my extended family was treated equally by all grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Every. Last. One,” they continued, noting, “I remember my grandfather actually saying ‘we don’t do family in halves or by steps’ – meaning once they’re family, they’re family and are treated as such by everyone. I don’t ever remember anyone ever acting differently.”
“This idea that you don’t need to treat children fairly just because you didn’t choose for their parent to join the family is as assholish as it comes. Your kid chose their parent. Your kid made them family. Now be a f—ing adult and treat those kids like family,” they concluded. “I’m a grandmother. My kids have dated people with children. I could never imagine treating any of those innocent souls differently just because I didn’t ‘choose’ their parent.”
What do you think?
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