Billie Eilish Wrote Barbie Song During ‘Dark Episode,’ Says She Didn’t Want to Be Here

“I think that it’s good to be alive now. I didn’t feel like that for a very long time,” the “What Was I Made For” singer recalled while accepting the Chairman’s Award for the song at the Palm Springs Film Awards.

While accepting the Chairman’s Award alongside her brother Finneas O’Connell at the Palm Springs Film Awards on Thursday night, the 22-year-old singer revealed she was in the middle of a “dark episode” and had thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore at the time she wrote the track.

“I would really like to say that this award and any recognition that this song gets, I just want to dedicate to anyone who experiences hopelessness, the feeling of existential dread and feeling like, what’s the point, and why am I here and what am I doing this for?” Billie began, per The Hollywood Reporter.

“I think we all feel like that occasionally, but I think if somebody like me, with the amount of privilege that I have and the incredible things that I get to do and be and how I have really not wanted to be here — sorry to be dark, damn — but I’ve spent a lot of time feeling that way,” she continued. “I just want to say to anyone that feels that way, be patient with yourself and know that it is, I think, worth it all. I think that it’s good to be alive now. I didn’t feel like that for a very long time.”

“Especially when we were asked to write this song, I was in a dark episode, I guess, and things didn’t make sense, like, life. I just didn’t understand what the point was and why you would keep going,” Billie added. “[I was] questioning everything in the world.”

Billie recalled the moment when she and Finneas were shown footage from the film by director Greta Gerwig.

“I was sitting there next to Finneas, it was just the two of us in this theater, basically,” she said. “I was just watching Barbie, Barbie, say and feel things that I really, really, really resonated with and felt so close to. I felt so seen, and I did not expect that.

“I think that this movie is the most incredible, most empowering, and beautiful, and funny, and just unbelievable piece of art in the world, and I’m so so honored to be a part of it,” Billie added, before passing the microphone over to her brother, who spoke about their upbringing and expressed his gratitude toward their parents.

“What Was I Made For” has already received a handful of awards nominations, including  Golden Globe and Critics’ Choice Awards nominations for Best Original Song. The track also picked up a whopping five Grammy nods, including Record of the Year and Song of Year. Billie and Finneas are predicted to be nominated for Best Original Song at the 2024 Academy Awards as well.

This isn’t the first time Billie and Finneas have received recognition and accolades for a song recorded on a movie soundtrack. The duo previously swept the 2021/2022 awards season for “No Time to Die” from the James Bond movie of the same time, winning an Oscar, Golden Globe, Critics’ Choice Award, and a Grammy for the song.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress.