Mandy Moore Doesn’t Recognize the Person She Was When Married to Ryan Adams

“It’s so weird because I think back to that chapter and it almost feels like it was someone else entirely that it happened to,” the This Is Us star said while looking back on her six-year marriage to the musician.

Moore, who was married to the rocker from 2009 to 2015, appeared on the latest episode of the Dinners on Me podcast, where she looked back on getting married at 24, and the way her parents’ decision to divorce influenced her desire to settle down at such a young age.

“Looking back, I think it was a direct response to my own parents splitting up… I found myself in a relationship with somebody that I believed I could make a family with,” she told host Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

Describing her initial motivations to tie the knot, the This Is Us star said, “I was so heartbroken, and it seemed like a perfectly appropriate time to get married and focus on this very personal, quiet chapter in my life.”

But, the marriage wasn’t what she expected it to be, and instead left her feeling “hollow, empty, [and] isolated.”

Moore and Adams, who were married for a total of six years before splitting up, would go on to finalize their divorce in 2016.

Now, the singer-actress is in a much different relationship — married again, this time to singer-songwriter Taylor Goldsmith, whom she wed in 2018, and a mom, with the pair welcoming sons August, 2, in 2021, and Oscar, 1, in 2022.

And as a mother, she said it’s hard to fathom how she allowed some of the manipulative and controlling behavior that existed in her marriage to Adams to continue.

“I’m married and I have children and it’s almost like, how did I ever do that? How did I ever find myself in that place where I allowed myself to be treated that way [and] that I viewed myself that way?” Moore asked aloud.

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“It’s so weird because I think back to that chapter and it almost feels like it was someone else entirely that it happened to,” she continued, noting the stark contrast between her past and present self.

Labeling herself a people-pleaser back then, Moore said the marriage turned “very unhealthy” for her, but as she grew older — and wiser — she shifted out of some of those bad habits.

“That’s an entirely different person [that] I don’t recognize, I don’t relate to [her] at all,” she reflected. “I can’t even put myself in those shoes again, it’s strange.”

Despite the ups and downs she endured during that time in her life, Moore said she’s grateful for the journey and where she is today.

“I’m grateful for all it taught me and where it brought me, and ultimately, it led me to finding this incredible partner,” Moore remarked.