The Real Housewives of Miami will be bidding Mexico City adios this week! They will be bringing home some pent-up resentments and hurt feelings with them — along with some frosting-covered dildos! Grab some Valentine’s candy and let us watch!
Nicole visits Lisa in her hotel room to chat about the other ladies’ frustrations about Lisa’s divorce drama. She asks Lisa if she has any familial support, and she expresses that her mom is coming to visit. Lisa shares that her parents have lived together but slept in separate rooms. She mentions that she moved out at 16 and moved in with her boyfriend’s family. Lisa has concluded that she could have daddy issues since she has gone from man to man. Nicole lets Lisa know that her relationship with her dad is complicated as well. She shares that she will be meeting his girlfriend. Nicole still cannot reconcile that her dad is trying to be a father again even though he is a grandparent. Side note: It must be difficult for Nicole to watch these scenes back after losing her father.
The ladies meet in the lobby to go shopping at the outdoor market. Guerdy is not feeling well, so she is going to try to meet up with them later for dinner. Kiki, who looks pretty in pink, says, “Hello!” She gives Lisa a loose hug, but you can tell their interaction is a little awkward. She thinks Lisa owes her an apology for her insensitivity about her personal life.
Alexia and Marysol tell Kiki in the van that Lisa is all about Lisa. Marysol shares that she told Lisa about her vow renewal with Steve. Lisa incredulously asked who she was talking about. She just does not have the bandwidth to show empathy for others. While at the market, Kiki gets some peer pressure to eat some crickets — for the protein. She eats one like a champion and admits this is not the first insect she ate. Kiki admits it got stuck in her throat — which is not the first time something got stuck. Love-her-commentary!
Kiki approaches Lisa in the market and removes her glasses so she can show her that she is sincere. She feels bad for saying mean things. Lisa apologizes for what she had said about her “childhood traumas.” She admits all she does is fight with Lenny, and now she is fighting with her friends too. Kiki thinks they can find some common ground since she went through something similar. Marysol picks a pinata for Julia and Kiki’s birthdays. Kiki supplies Marysol with plenty of dildos to fill her pinata. She really is the MVP of this trip with her quips and party supplies. Nicole and Lisa are heading home since they both have business to address.
Larsa calls Marcus (#freeMarcus) to tell him about taking the ladies to taste test the tequila brand she invested $800k in. She is still annoyed with Alexia for calling her out on only wanting to promote her own products. Alexia resents that she implied Todd takes care of all her finances when she is pocketing half of Scottie’s pension. The ladies test Larsa’s tequila, and they pretend like it is like no other housewife brand. Larsa wants Alexia’s support because she worked hard on this venture. Alexia reminds Larsa that they all work hard. She reminds Larsa that they all deserve support from each other.
Larsa presents Kiki, Julia, and Alexia ( as a thank you for hosting) with a piece of diamond jewelry — in the shape of her tequila brand. Alexia recognizes that Larsa cannot even give a gift without it being a promotional one. Kiki gave Larsa a necklace as well before, but she views this one as a walking billboard for Larsa’s brand.
While at Kiki and Julia’s birthday dinner, they decided to play a game. They each need to answer what they would take from the other girls at the table. Alexia decides she wants Kiki’s energy and her ability to light up a room. Adriana, being super shady, says she wants to take Marcus from Larsa — but the other ladies think she is kidding. Larsa then gives Adriana a once-over and deems her as no threat since Adriana already professed her nether region could not manage a pounding five times a day like Larsa can.
Julia decides to ask what Michael Jordan thinks of their relationship, and when you hear the GOAT’s name, you sit up! Larsa kind of stammers and then spouts out that his mom put three hearts on their IG post. Julia does not buy that their relationship is copasetic with Michael, and she thinks Larsa is being evasive. She thinks she is hiding a lot of secrets. Side note: Now knowing Larsa and Marcus have broken up it is interesting to see this crack in their relationship.
Marysol decides to let the girls take something from the pinata. She has dildos for them, which they begin slinging around. Kiki and Julia got their faces crammed into their beautiful cakes. We then have a messy cake fight and lots of laughing, which is a funny way to end the scene. Adriana admits defeat when they start slapping each other with the frosting-covered dildos.
Alexia brings Frankie to the De Moya Foundation so they can help him to be more independent. She feels he has made a lot of progress getting therapy, but the counselor clearly does not want her to be there. Alexia, with advice from Peter of all people, will not allow Frankie in an Uber by himself. She is not ready to let go yet. The counselor tells Alexia she needs to stay outside since she is not helping him become self-sufficient, so she gets shooed out of the building.
Lisa and Jody talk about Lenny finally signing the paperwork. Lenny agreed to build a waterfront home for Lisa and the kids. Jody finds it ironic that Lenny found plans that Jody had designed previously for a home for himself. Lisa thinks they must have something in common, and let us just hope it is fem-bots and home design. She says they still have some issues to resolve before she is officially divorced.
Nicole is meeting her dad and his girlfriend Isis for lunch. She is taking a huge step in meeting her since she did not meet the others he dated. OMG, her dad looks like he is leading his granddaughter to the table. Nicole is gracious to meet Isis, who is only 38 years old and clearly inflated with injectables. Miguel is in his 70s, and Nicole sees herself in the parental role meeting her dad’s girlfriend. Isis has a natural hair and skincare line, so you can imagine she is loving the screentime to promote it.
Nicole is throwing back her glass of wine since this is a lot to take in. She asks her dad if they are in a committed relationship, and he pretends to not understand her. Miguel says he wants to have kids with her, and if she does not comply, he will keep trolling Miami for a new candidate. Isis then tells Nicole her dad is tracking her period, and that really grosses me out. Nicole, in her confessional, is asked by a producer about the possibility of having their kids at the same time. She assures him that will NEVER happen since she will rent out the whole maternity wing to avoid that.
Julia and Alexia meet up at Pinecrest Farmers because they have teamed up to make a raspberry-guava jam — Russian-Cuban style. Adriana calls when they are together, and she is having a party at Emilio’s hotel. She then talks about the breaking news that Michael Jordan does not approve of Marcus and his blow-up doll Larsa’s age-gap romance. Adriana is going to play pickleball with Larsa, so she will find out why Larsa has been lying about Michael’s distaste for Marcus’s relationship.
Adriana and Kiki meet up to play pickleball with Larsa. Larsa shares that Marcus gave her flowers and told her she is a great mother and wife. She gets asked about the Daily Mail video, and she claims he is laughing when he says he does not approve of his son dating her. Larsa then is asked, “When you guys are together with Michael Jordan, he’s cool with you?” She then spills, “I’ve never seen him since we’ve been together!” Hold the phone, WHAT! Larsa says that behind closed bedroom doors everything is great. She shares that Marcus did text MJ and told him it was not cool. Larsa attributes his reaction to it being a shock at first when people saw them together.
Adriana and Kiki see Larsa continuing to deflect and pretend like all is good. They call her out about saying Michael Jordan was okay with it and admit it is embarrassing. Larsa pushes back since she feels she is being put on trial defending her relationship with her friends. She then declares she does not want to call MJ by his name, and she is over him. Larsa clearly has kept this secret and has just had her “Last Dance” with Marcus! Happy Valentine’s Day, Blurbers!
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