The grieving family “created a roadside memorial with a 4 foot cross” and visit a few times a year to place flowers around it … but the new owner wants to get rid of it.
A new homeowner has taken to the internet for advice after deciding they’d like to get rid of a child’s death memorial on their property.
Fearing they’d become the town pariah, the concerned owner took to an anonymous forum on Reddit to get some input.
While the initial post was about as brief as they come, the responses not only revealed an overwhelming number of fellow Redditors in support of the move but also, unexpectedly, a number of stories from people who had lost family members in similar circumstances — brining an entirely new dimension to the discussion.
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The Original AITA (Am I The A–hole) Reddit Post
“I recently purchased a home on a country road,” OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) explained at the top of the post.
“Five years ago some drunk local teenagers wrapped their car around a tree on the property and one died,” they continued. “Their family created a roadside memorial with a 4 foot cross and wooden sign. People come a few times a year and place flowers, notes etc.”
Then came the real reason for posting to the AITA forum: “The memorial is on my property in front of the tree they hit, about 10 feet from the road. I don’t want to see this memorial every day. It’s depressing and reminds me that a tragedy happened here, which I don’t need.”
“I’m trying to get over some stuff,” they further explained, not getting into any personal details.
“I want this home to be a fresh clean start,” OP concluded. “But I’m also sensitive to the kid’s family and friends feelings. WIBTA [would I be the a–hole] if I asked the family to take down the memorial?”
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From Support to Touching Stories — How The Reddit Community Reacted
As mentioned above, the majority of responses were supportive — while also offering better alternatives than just removing the memorial.
The highest rated comment, by a mile, suggested: “Plant a hedge around it between it and your house so you don’t have to look at it. It would mess with my head too. You’ll feel terrible if you pull it down though.”
Another offered: “I would do a flower garden, maybe even native pollinator plants. In my area, some native flowering plants reach over 6 feet tall. So you get something beautiful, bring butterflies to the property, and it would hide the display.”
Yet another advised actually speaking with the family to arrive at a solution that would satisfy everyone: “I’d ask the family about a more landscaped type thing with their child’s favorite plant or tree planted there. They still get their memorial, it looks like it belongs, and you dont have the reminder. They can still visit it and grieve but it’s not an obvious spot. It’s a difficult situation so just go about anything gently.”
But then came much more personal reactions to the post.
A parent here who lost a son in an accident. It was on a corner 1 house away from our house. He was 7. It was a bicycle van accident. He rode his bike through a stop sign. We planted a rose bush on the corner of our property. No one but our family knew it was a memorial., but it was special to us.
“A parent here who lost a son in an accident,” wrote one Redditor. “It was on a corner 1 house away from our house. He was 7. It was a bicycle van accident. He rode his bike through a stop sign. We [planted] a rose bush on the corner of our property. No one but our family knew it was a memorial., but it was special to us.”
“I get it why they want a memorial where he died but it is your property your decision,” the commenter continued. “However I would give the family (if you know who they are) time to take anything they want. Just remove anything left. Box it up and put it in a way back corner of your yard in case they come and ask for it. Anything else left add it to the box a day or two after it’s left. Your property your choice. If you don’t mind a small memorial tell them that but if you want nothing then put up a no trespassing sign or fence if that’s possible.”
While another wrote: “My family had done this same thing for my cousin who had passed away in a similar way (hit a tree at a high speed). For a long while they had a memorial in the person’s yard edge, where it happened and weren’t open to relocating it. It was technically on an easement so the homeowner wasn’t able to do anything about it and it made for a very tense situation.”
“Eventually another family member was able to convince my cousin that she should set up a memorial in a place her daughter had loved, instead of the place where she died. That way they could celebrate the joy the place brought her when visiting,” they went on to explain.
“You’re not an ah for wanting it gone. I absolutely understand how it would be difficult for you to see it daily and have it as a part of your every day life,” the bereaved family member continued. “Maybe you could approach the family and explain that you respect their grief but aren’t able to have the memorial as a part of your daily life, mental health wise, and ask if they’d be open to relocating it to a place that brought their child joy instead of the place they died.”
The commenter went to further advise: “If you’d be alright with it, maybe they could plant some flowers there in place of the current memorial, but I also understand that it would still be difficult knowing that it’s a place they’ll be visiting and I’d stress about it. Maybe you can offer to buy them some plans they can plant elsewhere? Which would cost money so I understand not doing that as well. I hope you’re able to figure something out. The most important bit is definitely to communicate with them openly.”
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