Tia Mowry has been divorced for some time now, yet folks still won’t let her live. The actress posted an Instagram video where she did a skit about her “guilty pleasures” in men that was intended to be fun and light-hearted. But of course, the internet used it as an opportunity to drag her for divorcing her husband of 14 years, Cory Hardrict, and for now being on the hunt for a new man.
This isn’t a new occurrence—every time the actress and mother of two posts anything about dating and relationships, a swarm of internet mobsters scold her for leaving her marriage.
Meanwhile, these insufferable strangers clowning and taunting Mowry for leaving a relationship that was no longer serving her have no idea what the dynamics of that relationship actually were. While the twin never gave a clear-cut reason why she got divorced (not that it’s our business), she made it known that she was no longer happy in the marriage.
“I knew when I really started to focus on my happiness,” she said on TODAY with Hoda & Jenna back in November 2022 after announcing the divorce. “I feel like women, we tend to focus on everybody else’s happiness, making sure that everybody else is OK — meaning our children, our friends, our family.”
“But at the end of the day, it’s about self-love,” she added. “When you start to really work on yourself, love yourself, know your value and know your worth, then all of a sudden, there’s this awakening. And it’s not easy. It’s a hard journey, but at the end of the day, I feel like it is so, so worth it.”
I think two things are driving this idea that Mowry is foolish for leaving her ex-husband: the idea that if a man isn’t doing anything “extreme” a woman should have no reason to leave him and that when you leave a “good” man, you won’t find another.
I want to challenge the first point by saying cheating and beating aren’t the sole grounds for leaving a marriage. And by the way, people will still tell you to stay even when these things occur or, even worse, blame you for the cheating and abuse. A woman leaving a marriage to pursue her happiness might be selfish by the patriarchy’s standards, but it’s also brave. Women have been indoctrinated to be selfless and self-sacrificing, and it mostly serves the people who benefit from our oppression. Us learning to be a little more selfish means we learn to have stronger sense, better boundaries and can pour from a full cup. Basically, what I’m saying is that selfish isn’t the worst thing a woman can be, and our identity doesn’t need to be wrapped in being selfless.
To address the second point, we need to unlearn the idea that when we leave a “good” man, we won’t be able to find another. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and the love shared is still valid even when it doesn’t. It is possible to have multiple loves in your lifetime, and it’s time to hang up this idea that the only way to do “true love” is to meet one person when you’re young and spend the rest of your days with them.
While there’s nothing wrong with aspiring to that, it isn’t ideal in the world we currently live in. Many of us aren’t taught to know who we are and what we want from life during our formative years. So we spend a chunk of our lives as adults trying to figure that out—which we see Mowry doing. How many relationships can withstand that period of self-discovery and healing? What are the odds that when you come out on the other side, you’ll still be compatible? Many relationships don’t survive self-evolution, and that’s not something to shame anyone about. Sometimes, you evolve into a completely different person, and your values no longer align, which means you can’t just “work it out.” Luckily, there are billions of people in the world, and it’s possible to create another love story at any point.
Let’s stop projecting our beliefs on Mowry and other women like her. We don’t have to stay with men who are seemingly good but not so good for us, and we can find love again. No, it’s not true that there’s nothing good out here, no, everybody’s dating pool doesn’t have pee in it, and just because you feel the chances of finding love are slim for you, that doesn’t mean it’s the same for other women. Let her live.
