The anonymous woman turns to the internet for advice after she “blew up” on her roommate about having sex in the apartment and was told to “grow up because adults have sex.”
Navigating roommate boundaries are always tricky and complicated, which could be why one woman turned to the internet for advice for how to handle her concerns about intimacy.
Her story, posted to Reddit’s anonymous “Am I the A–hole” forum, breaks down just why OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) has such a problem with her roommate’s activities in their shared home.
Now, the issue has caused major tension in the apartment, with OP wondering if they crossed the line with their demand.
Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.
“There’s 3 of us (F) in the apartment varying late 20’s to early 30’s,” shared OP before diving right into the problem. “Recently one of my roommates starting bringing men home and having sex extremely loud and evening or two a week.”
“After the first time me and the other roommate tried to make light of it and told her she needed to chill out with it if we’re home while she’s having sex. It seriously sounds like a Brazzers set,” she continued, arguing that it’s a “small apartment” with the bedrooms “right next to each other’s.”
She basically told us that she can’t not have sex that way and that she’d try to be quieter but she wasn’t making any promises
She said that after five or sex times of dealing with it in the past month, she “sort of blew up on her this last time because I thought it was extremely disrespectful to keep doing it after both me and the other roommate told her once already that it’s not okay to carry on like that when one or both of us are home. And in all these instances she knew people were in the apartment at the time.”
“She basically told us that she can’t not have sex that way and that she’d try to be quieter but she wasn’t making any promises,” OP continued. “She also mentioned that we need to grow up because adults have sex.”
Getty
Bride Decides Not to Invite Sister to Wedding After ‘Huge Scene’ At Engagement Party
View Story
“I understand we all pay rent but no one should be forced to listen to porn essentially because ‘we’re all adults,'” OP complained, before sharing that she respects her roommates by sharing intimacy when they’re out, “quietly if they happen to be here, or go to the other person’s place.”
“I thought that was was normal roommates etiquette, so am I the a–hole for telling her if she can’t be quiet then she can’t do it here at the apartment?”
There was a mixed reaction from Redditors, with some wondering why the roommate would want to have loud sex with other people in the house. “She is being super gross. Is there a possibility that it’s some kind of kink of hers to have people listen?” asked on. “It seems so weird to be that over the top about it.”
OP jumped in to reply, “I don’t think she necessarily wants us to hear, but it’s clear she doesn’t care if we hear,” she explained. “We’re all normally home at some point in the evening which so happens to be when she is also home trying to get her rocks off after a date. Again I really don’t care what anybody does it’s just like I don’t want to hear it.”
Still there were enough people suggesting that OP was being a “prude” about the whole thing that she dropped into the comments to argue she doesn’t think it’s prudish “because I don’t want to hear my roommates have sex.”
Get a blow horn and blow it every time she makes a sound. Give her instructions on what she or he could do better
“I understand that’s the closest some of you will get to having it but I do just fine,” added OP, reiterating her originally stated rules about her own intimate encounters in the apartment. And for those suggesting OP could always leave, she shot back. “I’m supposed to go somewhere else besides the place I pay rent at midnight when I have work in the morning? As opposed to her just being quiet, okay mate.”
Several commenters suggested OP to turn things around on the roommate by being loud when she was having sex, with Redditors offering all kinds of creative ways to go about it.
Getty Stock Image
Woman Banned From Block Party For Being a ‘Jerk’ Confronts Her Neighbor
View Story
“Yes, adults have sex, but if you don’t want to be privy to it and have asked her to keep it private, she really doesn’t respect boundaries at all,” argued one commenter. “I’d shout SHUT THE F–K UP when I heard it. I’d put a speaker right outside her door and blast some off-putting music. I’m talking Disney music and baby shark.”
“Get a blow horn and blow it every time she makes a sound. Give her instructions on what she or he could do better,” wrote another. “She’s not going to stop if you don’t make her as uncomfortable doing it as you are uncomfortable listening.”
Still others came through with more reasonable solutions, like soundproofing their rooms but OP didn’t seem open to some of these ideas. One user suggested ways to block out the sound, arguing, “Put in headphones! Play music! Anything! Nobody’s ‘making’ op listen to the roomie, in fact OP is being really weird for always listening and trying to dictate how and when people should hook up.”
I’m supposed to go somewhere else besides the place I pay rent at midnight when I have work in the morning?
“Playing loud music and not wanting to wear noise cancelling headphones to go to sleep in my own house is quite literally dumb, hope that helps!,” OP shot back.
Another commenter suggested earbuds, as well, saying that if the OP wants “to get petty about it, expect this to be a vicious cycle of nitpicking behavior from all involved. OP’s reply here was, “She can literally be quiet, or do it somewhere else if she doesn’t want to be quiet do you know what changed behavior is.”
Getty
Wife Upset at ‘Ungrateful’ Husband for Not Appreciating Father’s Day Gift — But Internet Has His Back
View Story
That commenter had tried to be a voice of reason and declare no on the a–hole in the situation, instead, saying, “you all need to grow up a little. You’re going to hear your roommates have sex, it’s fine. Your roommate should try to quiet down a little, too. But nobody rises to the level of AH here.”
“See, I think someone’s an a–hole when you’ve brought an issue to them and they’ve made no effort to change their behavior,” OP argued back.
While most people believed it was unreasonable to ask the roommate to refrain from sex altogether, they did agree that it needn’t be so intrusive. “Yeah adults have sex but adults also know how to be discrete and quiet and respectful,” commented one. “If everyone’s home, she should have some basic decency and not be so loud and make others uncomfortable,” wrote another. “Would she like it if others did it too?”
What do you think?
