Just about every single woman I know is tired of dating. Not because it may be a time suck or inconvenient, but mainly because of the unavoidable disappointment with the current dating pool. From dating app horror stories to unsavory first dates, it feels like the men aren’t getting it: Lee Greer, a Dallas native, certified personal trainer, and former contestant on OWN’s dating show, Ready To Love, shares many of our sentiments. When Lee Greer eliminated herself from the show because she didn’t want to settle, she had no idea her courageous act would resonate so deeply with women. Her act ultimately led to a firestorm of requests from women for her to unpack her decision to take a firm stance in front of a global viewing audience.
“I was shocked at how many women felt inspired and empowered by my decision. After receiving many requests to explain why I chose to eliminate myself and tons of requests to “write the book, I finally did,” states Greer.
Her decision to walk off such a popular show served as a reminder to women that they can choose and not just accept whatever is presented to them. Her book, Keep the Crumbs, is a guide and a journal that helps women to see themselves better and ultimately attract what they desire in love and life by becoming the version of themselves that will attract what they want. She drops countless dating gems inside the book and gives us ten red flags to determine if we’re being breadcrumbed.
Check out her red flags to consider below. as well as our conversation.
Breadcrumbing Red Flags:
1. Ambiguous Commitment: They constantly leave you with vague plans or crumbs of commitment, indicating a lack of genuine interest in a meaningful connection.
2. Future Avoidance: Avoiding discussions about the future, suggesting a reluctance to invest in a relationship beyond the present moment—a potential sign of commitment issues.
3. Inconsistent Communication: Inconsistent communication patterns leave you deciphering mixed signals and questioning the level of sincerity in the connection.
4. Undefined Relationship: Unwillingness to define the relationship, treating it as a casual affair while keeping you in a state of ambiguity about your role.
5. Disregard for Time: This indicates a lack of respect for your time and priorities and suggests that your needs are not a priority in the relationship.
6. Evasiveness About the Past: Dodging personal questions or being evasive about their past, signaling potential issues with transparency and honesty.
7. Controlling Behavior: Displaying controlling behavior or attempting to manipulate situations, indicating a disregard for your autonomy and individuality.
8. Lack of Consideration: Consistently canceling plans or showing up late without valid reasons, reflecting a lack of consideration for your feelings and time.
9. Early Jealousy: Demonstrating jealousy or possessiveness early in the relationship, potentially foreshadowing controlling tendencies.
10. Disrespect of Boundaries: Frequent disrespect of boundaries, whether emotional, physical, or personal, signals a lack of regard for one’s comfort and well-being.
ESSENCE: For our readers unfamiliar with the show, can you give us an overview of why you decided to go on it and why you subsequently decided to leave?
Lee Greer: Ready To Love seemed like a great opportunity to switch things up. Aside from hoping to meet someone at a grocery store, I wanted to get some experts involved in my dating journey. I was looking forward to meeting someone in a non-traditional way. When I started on the show, I was hopeful. Over time, I saw that all they did was select people from the same dating pool that we were dating out of.
How do you describe the dating landscape for Black women now?
It pains my heart for Black women dating right now because I see so many incredible, single Black women. There are so many challenges on the dating scene for us because social media plays a massive role in setting standards that are not realistic.
Can you speak about the importance of compatibility with a potential partner?
I love using this example: some people are a pint, and some are gallon. If you meet someone with the capacity of a pint, and you’re a gallon, you will be dissatisfied, even if they’re doing their best and giving their all. So compatibility is very, very important. Are you able to grow with the person? The concept of being unequally yoked is so true. People say it without actually understanding what it means.
What are your non-negotiables?
Communication is very high on my list because we can navigate difficult seasons and anything else if we can communicate well. You have to be a great communicator. If you cannot communicate with me for whatever reason that you haven’t resolved, you haven’t gone to therapy, you haven’t figured it out, I can’t deal with it. That’s not something that I’m going to be able to help you through. Lack of leadership skills is one of my non-negotiables, too. I’m very traditional, and I would like to sit in the passenger seat and go to sleep and know that I will end up in a great place. That I’m going to be safe. Also, it matters if he’s financially stable. That’s very important for me. I don’t know how people pretend to be able to ignore that because life costs money. So we have to have financial stability.
What do you think about casually dating during the summer? Many of us want to experience a “Hot Girl Summer!”
Dating casually is great, especially if you haven’t had that. If everything has been so serious, a period of relaxation is okay to get to know different people and never know what might come of it. Although I am a huge supporter of casual dating, you should remember that it is casual and be mindful of the time you invest.
You use a brilliant phrase in your book highlighting knowing when to leave a relationship that’s no longer serving you. Speak about the importance of making a “graceful exit.”
The longer you hold on to what is not for you, the longer you cannot catch what is for you. Free your hands, it’s okay. Rejecting what is not for you is such a decisive move. Removing yourself from horrible circumstances is so powerful. You don’t need to show people what real love is if it’s not serving you. That’s not your job.
