“I am trying to see the good intentions, but call me blind because I don’t see any,” the anonymous woman says before revealing how things went so terribly wrong for her.
A woman is wondering if she’s in the wrong after she was accused of being ungrateful for her surprise birthday party. The surprise was certainly that, but not at all what the woman was expecting.
Shared to Reddit’s infamous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, the woman’s story breaks down everything that happened that day that led to her being so emotionally distraught that she bailed after five minutes.
Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.
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OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) began her Reddit story by first revealing how emotionally distraught she was over her situation.
“I have been crying for hours yesterday and today, receiving texts on how I am ungrateful. This s–t just doesn’t make sense to me. I am trying to see the good intentions, but call me blind because I don’t see any,” she began her thread before sharing her history with birthdays and how she has never had a celebration for herself.
“I have never had a birthday party or dinner, and it is something that I have always wanted, but I don’t know why I always thought it was unattainable in my adult life. I was talking to my friend and telling her how my family never celebrates birthdays because my dad is really religious and how I always feel lonely on my birthday,” she continued, before adding it was her friend who inspired her to go out and organize her own birthday party now she is an “adult.”
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“I planned myself a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant and told everyone that as long as they kept their order under $35, I would pay for it. So I made sure to work overtime for 3 months in advance because I heard there is always a fight about the bill, so I didn’t want that to be a reason for conflict on my birthday. I invited 12 people that said they would come (family and friends, which include my mom now that my dad is dead; she is no longer super religious for some reason),” she said.
Along with wanting to pay for her guest list, OP even went to the effort of getting her “nails, makeup, and hair done professionally.”
“I just wanted to look really nice, and I have actually only been to formal events like three times in my life, so I was happy to be able to dress up nicely for once,” she explained.
And then the birthday party began…
The waiter felt so bad because I was crying while I was on the phone with someone I considered to be my friend, telling me she wasn’t coming for me and that even though I didn’t order a meal, he gave me a free birthday slice.
“I got to my dinner, sat at my table, and waited 2 hours, and I kept getting calls from people, telling me they were running late to not being able to come anymore. And after 2 hours, everyone finally told me they were not coming. They didn’t tell me before the dinner; they were all telling me at the time of reservation or later,” she said.
“The waiter felt so bad because I was crying while I was on the phone with someone I considered to be my friend, telling me she wasn’t coming for me and that even though I didn’t order a meal, he gave me a free birthday slice. I didn’t even get any pictures in my outfit because I thought someone would help take them for me at the restaurant, and by the time I left the restaurant, my makeup was ruined,” OP said, obviously crushed by the treatment her friends gave her.
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“My mom called me on my way home and asked me to stop at her house because she had a present for me. She says she is sorry she didn’t come, but she was feeling extremely unwell, and she wanted to have a present at least. I go to her house, and I open the door to a surprise, and people see that my face was messed up because I had been crying, so someone says, ‘Aww, she thought we forgot her,’ and I look at the 12 people that were invited to my dinner and am just disappointed that they traded what I wanted for my birthday for this. They left me stranded and humiliated at a restaurant for hours. I left the surprise party after 5 minutes and just told my mom to keep her present to herself,” she said, wrapping up her story.
Finally, OP asked to hear from the public court of opinion, the internet: “I am sorry, but AITA, for not seeing a good intention here, am I overreacting??”
With over 400 comments at the time of writing, it’s clear the internet does not believe OP is in the wrong, with Reddit giving its official NTA (“Not the A–hole”) stamp on OP’s post.
In the most upvoted comment, one Redditor told OP that her family and friends “disregarded” what OP actually wanted for her birthday.
“You planned what you wanted for your birthday. Your friends and family completely disregarded that, lied to you, and left you feeling ignored and unwanted on your birthday. They may have had the best of intentions, but that paves the road to hell,” the comment read. “In the end, it is not intentions that matter, but results. Had they done this any other day, things would have worked out well. Instead, they left you alone and feeling unwanted. In no way, shape, or form are you to blame here.”
Another replied to the comment sharing their confusion, “I just don’t understand how they thought this was going to be a good idea.”
This turned out to be a common theme throughout the responses.
“Yeah, I completely fail to understand why they thought it was a good idea to leave OP stranded at the restaurant. OP had already told everyone dinner was on her. Just mind boggling stupidity and insensitivity. OP, so sorry your first birthday party got so jacked up,” another wrote.
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One Redditor got psychological, sharing their thoughts on how OP’s mother is to blame in the situation saying she wanted “control”.
“It feels like to me that it is a whole control thing. Mom can’t allow OP to make her look bad by allowing OP to give herself the things parents ought to have given her as a child,” they began. “So she plans a party ‘for OP’ so that she can look like the hero, but does it in a way that she knows will result in extreme distress. Because she wants OP to know that she’s still in charge and she can ruin anything OP loves with a word.”
OP even replied to one of the comments who called the actions by OP’s mother and friends “cruel”.
“NTA. You plan a surprise party when the guest of honor doesn’t have anything else planned, you don’t purposefully make them feel abandoned so you can surprise them. Their intentions don’t matter because what they actually did was completely cruel,” they wrote.
To this sentiment, OP replied, “Exactly, My whole life I have never celebrated my birthday or gotten acknowledgement on the day and my mom decided on the birthday I want to celebrate myself that when she wants to throw me a surprise birthday.”
What do you think?
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