Credit: Instagram, Ben Symons/Peacock
Rachel “Raquel” Leviss opened up about the shame backpack she carried in rehab on a recent episode of her podcast.
One year after the former Vanderpump Rules cast member spent months in a mental health facility to recover from the scandal that erupted over her months-long affair with Tom Sandoval, 41, the now-ex-boyfriend of her then-friend, Ariana Madix, 38, Raquel, 29, detailed an activity she took part in during treatment and spoke of her dating life.
“One of my individualized assignments was a shame backpack,” she explained on Rachel Goes Rogue, via PEOPLE. “Where basically, I was instructed to write down every mean thing that I could recall being thrown my way. All the insults, all the name calling, all the derogatory comments that I could remember.”
From there, the facility where Raquel was staying, The Meadows in Arizona, created a book for her to carry.
“It was very, very heavy,” she recalled. “And I was assigned to wear that backpack everywhere that I went for that week … It did hurt my back.”
“When I was processing through this assignment with my therapist, I had to read all of the comments, and then my therapist asked me if I wanted to take them on and to carry them with me for the rest of my life,” she continued. “I said, ‘No, I don’t.’ And I was instructed to tear up all of the pieces of paper.”
Included in Raquel’s shame backpack was a photo from a newspaper that another resident found that featured a headline about “Scandoval” and a photo of her and Ariana.
“I actually had this in my shame backpack, and it’s just so wild that it literally made its way into The Meadows [rehab facility],” she admitted. “It was kinda surreal that this came into my possession that week of my assignment.”
“That taught me not to take on all of the hate, all of the shame that was being spewed onto me because life is much harder when you take that on,” she added.
During another moment of her podcast episode, Raquel shared what she was looking for in future relationships and confirmed she’d taken a year off of dating.
“I’ve taken a year off of dating to work on myself,” she revealed, also via PEOPLE. “And now that I’m, you know, getting back out there and meeting new people – I met someone who I had awesome communication with, and he was very emotionally intelligent and emotionally regulated, and it just didn’t work out.”
Since April, Raquel has been linked to businessman Matthew Dunn, who she did not mention by name.
“I’ve kind of been seeing somebody else and it’s been fun and a fling — he’s just so sweet, so kind, and it really does make a difference,” she noted. “This sounds so silly, like a standard, stuff that you would just have as basic benchmarks for relationships.”
According to Raquel, she’s impressed by “emotionally regulated” men, but she feels accustomed to “toxic” and “abusive” relationships, finding it difficult to engage with nice guys.
“It’s hard for me to be with a sweet guy and think of it as a serious long term thing,” she admitted. “Like, I don’t see him as my husband.”
“I think we need to experience that sweetness and that other side of the spectrum in order to find a good balance,” Raquel added.
Rachel “Raquel” Leviss quit her full-time role on Vanderpump Rules ahead of its 11th season in 2023.
