A woman turns to the internet for advice after learning that her wedding photographer’s wife — who was “integral” to her special day — died after their ceremony, but before they got their pictures.
Nobody wants to be “crass,” as this woman put it, but as she finds herself in an extremely uncomfortable position, she’s not sure how to proceed.
That’s why the OP (a.k.a. “the Original Poster”) turned to Reddit’s Advice forum for how to proceed after learning that tragedy had struck the husband-wife duo who served as her wedding photographer just a few months ago.
While her heart goes out, she’s also understandably wondering about her photographs.
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The 33-year-old woman shared that she and her 42-year-old husband got married in May. “Our wedding photographers were a husband wife team and they were awesome, incredible people,” she wrote. “They brought so much creativity to our day and we were lucky to have them there.”
She explained that the wife does “their general admin,” and so that’s who she’d been communicating with before the wedding. So when the six-week “due date” for their pictures came and went with no photos, she “sent her [a] message and heard nothing back.”
“Tried an email and another text over a couple of weeks but still nothing,” she continued, sharing that this was unlike the couple, “as they were really communicative. Even if just to say, we’ll get back to you later.”
Finally, the newlywed reached out to the husband of the pair “checking if everything was ok,” and that’s when she learned his wife “had died from a short illness just a few weeks before.”
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“Its tragic – she was very young and they had 2 small kids. I sent him my condolences and said to take all the time he needs,” wrote the woman.
“So – my question is,” the woman continued, “(and I’m sorry if it sounds crass. I understand his whole world has been flipped upside down and everything must hurt right now and will for a long time), when could I contact him again to ask how things are going?”
She went on to add, “I’m tempted to ask for the unedited files so we can just sort them out – my boss has photo editing software and has offered to help. But is that even appropriate?”
Saying she’s looking for a “range of advice really,” the woman wrapped up her story, though she did engage with commenters offering suggestions, and even assuring them that she’s confident this isn’t a scam as she saw the funeral notice.
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Advice Pours In
OP was met with a range of replies, with many offering different ways to broach the topic with the widower.
“Send a condolence card now. Write something meaningful about why you choose them (their creativity),” read the most popular response. “Wait till end of September and email him if he prefers send unedited files OR send the edited the files – that you are happy to accept either. Set a date for both. The unedited files in 3 weeks and the edited files in 6 weeks.”
“I say this as an independent creative (not a photographer) who was also suddenly widowed. It’s extremely difficult to work on happy wedding photos when your own life has imploded (and you are now widowed),” they continued. “At the same time, it’s very difficult to give unfinished work away (and that can affect his reputation if the photos aren’t edited to his liking). This gives him the option. And a timeline for you.”
OP responded, saying this advice was particularly helpful — “Especially as you understand and can give perspective on his experience.” She added she understood it might be difficult for the photographer to work on the photos, noting that “it might have even been the last wedding they photographed together.”
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Another reply said they were in a similar situation once — but after seeing others “badgering” the deceased’s father about the orders, they “left it alone” and simply never got their photos. “I’m sorry to hear you never got them. It’s so complicated for everyone involved and no one wants to add to their grief,” OP replied.
When someone else asked whether they already paid for the photos, OP said they paid “the full amount the week before the wedding” — before saying she was thinking about waiting until September/October, once the kids are busy with school again and the family is no longer “just trying to get through the worst summer of their lives.”
She also said she and her husband were thinking about paying tribute to the woman as well, saying they’ve “both spoken about printing our favourite image with both their names in view on the frame.”
“Though we only knew her for a short while, she was such an integral part of our day – the ceremony wouldn’t have happened where it did/how it did without her,” she added.
OP promised to share an update when she had one — adding, “TBH, I just can’t stop thinking about them. It’s too tragic to add more to what their family is going through.”
What do you think?
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