Credit: Fred Hayes/Bravo
After the last season of The Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City, this group of women certainly needed some “hilling.” With Reality Von Tease (er, Monica) out of their lives, you would think that things would be smooth sailing. However, all it takes is one get together for things to spiral. Luckily for us, Mary is back gracing our screens with her confessional one-liners and a new Housewife, Bronwyn, gets thrown into the mix. But it’s the OG’s that have more to work out at Lisa‘s Valentine’s Day party. Let’s just say not everyone will be getting besos…
The episode kicks off with Lisa rolling up to a ranch, questionably dressed, until we realize she is hosting a party for the group. Since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, Lisa decided to have a Besos party for her galentines. After all the turmoil within the group, Lisa is looking forward to hanging with those friends she can trust…but she makes it clear that she loves some ladies more than others. Cue the flashback scene from two weeks earlier…
Lisa is discussing her upcoming party with Angie and Heather. She shares that she has extended an invite to Whitney, even though Whitney is on her sh*t list. According to Lisa, Whitney was “rude” about Lisa on a recent podcast. Nevertheless, Lisa is hopeful that IF Whitney comes to the Besos party, she will receive an apology from her, which seems unlikely.
But NOT as unlikely as the newest friendship in the group: Mary and Angie, the self-proclaimed besties who have matching purses and the same sunglasses in different colors. Yes, you read that right. I guess Angie telling Mary she had lipstick on her teeth during the reunion really opened the doors of friendship, since they now arrive to Lisa’s party as a packaged deal.
When Heather makes her grand debut, Mary is aghast and comments, “You look pretty and thin.” Love that Heather jokes, “I’ve finally cracked the code! I lose 25 pounds and now Mary loves me.” The start of a new friendship perhaps…? Move over Angie! Later, Heather credits Ozempic for the weight loss.
Let’s talk about the entrance from the newest housewife, Lisa’s “friend,” Bronwyn. She takes the Valentine’s theme quite literally, donning one of only three heart shaped jackets of its kind. (In case you were wondering, Rihanna has the second one and the third is displayed…translation: Bronwyn seems rich rich). We learn that Lisa has known Bronwyn for about seven years and that Bronwyn is known to be fashionable and over the top. You don’t say…?
You mean doesn’t everyone meet their friends for coffee wearing a matching leopard bra, boy shorts, and puffer coat on a 37-degree day?? Besides fashion, Bronwyn loves chaos. She has six dogs, a teenage daughter, and a husband who is 26 years her senior. Bronwyn is doing A LOT already…
While on their way to Lisa’s party, Whitney explains to her friend Meili that the past six months have been amazing in her personal life; however, when it comes to her friends, it’s a different story. Whitney has issues with Heather and, due to the unsettled problems with Lisa, there has been a lot of distance.
Which might explain why Lisa was so surprised to see Whitney roll into the party. What’s even more shocking is that Whitney doesn’t even come say hello to Lisa. Talk about rude. In the meantime, Britani, Heather’s friend, gets introduced. Britani is going through a very recent break up with Jared Osmond, the nephew of Donnie and Marie, which is basically like royalty in the Mormon culture.
Britani is also not very good with her words. When she squeezes in between Mary and Bronwyn, she announces, “Bronwyn I love your costume!” OMG Britani coming in and offending Bronwyn and Mary (strike one). Mary replies, “We don’t wear costumes, we wear fashion.” Mary goes on to say that Britani looks like she is wearing a coat made of German Shepard fur. When Mary talks about her fashion collection, Britani wonders if Mary is a hoarder (strike two) and tries to bond with Mary about growing up poor (strike three-she’s out). This girl Britani is sticking her foot in her mouth left and right, talking about putting bread in her purse so she could eat. When Mary gets up to walk away, it’s clear Britani has offended her.
BTW: these flashbacks are getting exhausting. BUT, three weeks earlier, Heather visits a bedridden Meredith (and her lips). Meredith talks about her breast reduction surgery and confides in Heather. Meredith felt like everyone was gunning for her, but at the reunion, nothing pertaining to *her* got addressed. Meredith goes on to say that she feels as though Whitney is purposely following her business paths! First, it was with the jewelry line and now it’s with bath bombs. Meredith is annoyed because SHE said she would be starting a bath line and here comes Whitney, jumping on the bandwagon.
Back at the Besos party, Lisa talks about Jack’s mission in Colombia. He’s been gone for almost 8 months and Bronwyn comments that this is not the Mormonism she grew up in. When Bronwyn went to BYU, she got kicked out, thus letting down her devout family (we need more- WHY did she get kicked out?! Mom Tok??)
Meredith makes her way over to Whitney and confronts her right away: “What is up with the bath bombs?” Meredith feels two-timed by Whitney since she said in New York she was going to launch her own line. Whitney can hardly keep a straight face during this conversation, since she claims she was not trying to copy Meredith. Whitney wonders if Meredith has spent too much time in the bath, and perhaps it has shriveled her brain. Mary is just as confused as we all are why these grown women are bickering over bath bombs.
Meredith goes on to say that she was held accountable for all these things Reality Von Tease did and this triggers Angie, since Meredith has yet to apologize to HER about things Meredith evidently said. Angie then cuts in and begins her rant on Meredith. She pulls out a scroll listing all the things she wants an apology for from Meredith. Meredith denies all of those things, but I’m more concerned with where did Angie even FIND a scroll?
Lisa gives a quick speech to move the ladies inside and tell them all she loves them…but that she doesn’t “love podcasts,” a dig at Whitney. Mary is displeased to find out she is stuck next to Britani during dinner, for fear she will be sticking bread in her purse. Mary goes on to wonder, “She [Britani] had to do it recently cuz when you’re little you don’t have a purse.” LOL.
Bronwyn and Whitney bond over their older husbands and their step-children who are closer in age to them.
Kudos to production for the trumpet sound every time the word scroll is said. This fight is not over yet, as it continues at the table. Meredith reminds Angie that she has apologized multiple times, but then she turns away because she is not engaging (so on brand). Angie is holding a grudge because she believes that Meredith told Monica to sue her for her house. Angie doesn’t want a renter talking about the home she owns and she continues to throw the fact that Meredith rents in her face. Weird that Angie is choosing to believe Monica (who has been proven to be a liar) over Meredith in this situation.
As the night wears on, Lisa makes yet another toast. Whitney then wonders what Lisa’s problem is with her. Whitney goes on to call Lisa self-absorbed and Lisa spits back that with your “hilling journey, I think you would get it.” Lisa doesn’t like that Whitney bashed her on a podcast, but Whitney claims her experience isn’t a lie. Lisa just wants all her friends to agree with her, but Whitney is tired of “kissing every part of Lisa’s a*shole.”
Lisa wants to know who told Whitney about the conversation Heather and Lisa had about the podcast. Heather makes it clear she said nothing to Whitney and that throws Angie under the bus. When Lisa asks Angie if she told Whitney, Angie responds, “which part?” OMG-Dead. Lisa feels isolated because her “friend” repeated what she said to Whitney. Lisa stands up and starts finger pointing in Angie’s face, wondering why she would want to get involved in this. Lisa is sad because she feels like Angie is more loyal to Whitney lately.
Out of frustration, Lisa throws a drink to the side and Whitney tells Lisa that all she has done was call Lisa a villain. To that, Lisa retorts, “I will be your villain, b*tch.” Whitney keeps repeating she has never lied and this causes Heather to LOL. She points out that Whitney lied about her and the book, Meredith then jumps and reminds Whitney that she accused Mary of being in a cult. Whitney also accused everyone in the group of having an affair, and on and on and on they go, pointing out everything that Whitney has ever done. The ladies are tired of Whitney’s MO and this “hilling journey” doesn’t make her superior.
Lisa doesn’t feel like she needs to explain herself to anyone, but Whitney doesn’t like that Lisa appears to be throwing her trauma in her face. Lisa is tired of Whitney using her trauma to treat everyone else poorly. Whitney has had enough and asks Lisa, “You wanna meet the hilled Whitney? Then f*ck you, Lisa Barlow” and proceeds to flip her the bird, right there at the dinner table of Lisa’s party.
Lisa asks Whitney to leave and Angie follows her girl out of the party, further instigating Lisa’s anger in the moment. All I know is that this season seems like it’s gonna bring it if this is what the premiere looks like…
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE PREMIERE EPISODE?
