In 2018, Melyssa Ford was in a car wreck that could have claimed her life. While recuperating, her mother informed her that Ford’s body, which had already been through a significant ordeal, could be preparing for another challenge – early menopause.
“I was 41 years old. I had just had a near-death car accident, so I’m suffering from a brain injury. I’m not okay. And my mom says to me, ‘Oh, by the way. I should let you know that I started to go through menopause at 42, so it will probably happen to you,’” the former video vixen turned media personality tells ESSENCE.
Shortly after that conversation, perimenopause commenced. Google searches offered her little relief.
“Menopause research is really in its infancy,” she says. “You really can’t throw a rock and find an expert. They’re very few and far between.”
Flummoxed by the lack of information available at the time, Ford turned to older friends and acquaintances for help. They were not forthcoming. “I still have girlfriends that are in full denial that they’re in perimenopause and they’re older than me,” she shares.
So she decided to speak up. Known for serving body and looks in popular hip-hop and R&B videos in the late ’90s and early aughts as a sex symbol, her openness about “the change” came as a surprise. But it also came as a relief. Before she knew it, women from all walks were looking to connect with her about what they were going through, too.
“When I became very vocal about the fact that I was going through perimenopause, so many women wanted to share with me what they were experiencing. Because of the whole stigmatization and shame thing, they couldn’t find anybody that wanted to talk about it,” she says.
This growing community inspired her to start a podcast called Hot and Bothered with Melyssa Ford, which discusses women’s wellness and lifestyle practices on the other side of 40. It features her interacting with expert guests and what she calls “seasoned” women.
Ford chose the cheeky name not only as a play on perimenopause symptoms but also to reject the idea that this stage in life makes one less appealing. “People think once we’ve hit this stage in our life, we lose all our sense of desirability and vitality and vibrancy. That is not true,” she says. “Women, as far as I’m concerned, we get better as we get older.”
“Women are made to feel so much shame about this particular point in our lives,” she continues. “It is a natural process. You are blessed to go through it because that means that you are still alive and you are still kicking.”
On the podcast, Ford and her guests are opening up about everything, including menopausal symptoms that go beyond comically intense hot flashes presented in the media. According to the Journal of Women’s Health, “Menopausal symptoms are highly prevalent; they are sufficiently bothersome to drive almost 90% of women to seek out their healthcare provider for advice on how to cope.”
They include weight gain, vaginal dryness, sharp genital pain, poor sleep, diminished cognitive performance, depressed mood, and a rise in anxiety levels.
“One very, very scary statistic is the fact that between the ages of 45 and 54 is like the high statistical rate of women to commit suicide, and it directly correlates to them going through perimenopause and the mental health issues that we experience during that time, the lack of concentration, the mental fatigue, the brain fogs,” says Ford. A 2023 study from the Journal of Affective Disorders found that “Women who have experienced the onset of menopausal transition presented an increased risk of suicidal ideation.”
While navigating her own transition, Ford experienced mental health challenges after losing her mother in 2020 amid the COVID-19 pandemic. She navigated it alone. “I couldn’t tell if it was perimenopause or if it was grief or if it was a combination of both of those things that made me have such frequent suicidal ideation,” she says. “It was definitely one of the reasons I wanted to start this podcast.”
It’s also important to note that there are ethnic disparities in the onset of menopause and perimenopause. It shows up differently in different people. Black and Hispanic women have been found to display symptoms earlier. They are also at risk for more severe and prolonged symptoms. And according to the 2023 book Eve: How the Female Body Drove 200 Million Years of Human Evolution by Cat Bohannon, there has been a lack of attention paid to all women’s medical challenges, particularly in the menopausal stage.
“You start to realize that the medical industry by and large ignores women and our health concerns after the age of procreation ends, and that is so telling because it lets women know, in no uncertain terms, that we have no value past the age of procreation and that is the saddest thing,” says Ford, who is child-free. “It’s an infuriating thing to make more than half the global population feel.”
With this in mind, Ford is aiming to demystify not just menopause but aging, too.
“I’m not 20-something anymore, and I’m not 30-something anymore. I’m getting close to 50,” Ford says. “But I don’t want to be my younger self anymore. I like the journey that I’ve been on.”
Hot and Bothered with Melyssa Ford is arriving on streaming services November 1.
