“I’m just so heartbroken. The only thing that keeps my head above water now is just prayers,” said Robyn in tears, ahead of Christmas.
Christmas 2022 wasn’t a very merry one for Robyn Brown.
On Sunday’s new hour of Sister Wives — which was filmed all the way back in December 2022 — Kody Brown’s wife filmed herself having a breakdown in the bathroom at 1:00AM on the morning of Christmas Eve.
The problem? After Christine, Janelle and Meri all left their plural marriage, this was the first time they’d be celebrating the holiday completely solo.
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“This was the first Christmas since I married Kody that I won’t have any other family around except for just me and my kids and Kody,” she said. “And I can’t help but just sit here and look back on everything that’s been happening and just be completely and utterly heartbroken.”
In a confessional, Robyn explained that she wanted to have a plural family ever since she was little and, now that she’s not part of one, she realized “this isn’t what I envisioned my life to be.”
“I’m struggling with my identity and what does it mean and I don’t see my future anymore and the hopes and dreams that I had were just disappearing before my eyes,” she continued, before the episode cut back to her crying on the bathroom floor.
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As she broke down over Meri not celebrating with them this year after the fallout between her and Kody, Robyn said she still wanted to ensure her children “still have a holiday that’s special and sweet” — despite her feeling “so heartbroken.”
“The only thing that keeps my head above water now is just prayers,” she continued. “Just hit me so hard that I’ve just, I just don’t get to have the perfect Christmas because my family’s not here.”
She later explained she needed a “take a moment” and feel her pain, in order to process it and move forward with the holiday — “So I can get up tomorrow, put on a happy face and make it beautiful and make it special.”
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“I owe that to my kids. And I know that Kody’s going to struggle and it’s just not what I expected my life to be and I don’t know how to let it go,” she concluded.
In their own confessionals, both Janelle and Christine opened up about the importance of creating new traditions, now that they have separated from Kody. The Brown patriarch, meanwhile, said he just hoped he and Robyn were able weather through the pain.
“This woman has a spine of concrete and steel and she’s been holding on to the dream that I sold her on with my family for a lot longer,” he added, before admitting that dream “was never meant to be.”
New episodes of Sister Wives air Sundays on TLC.
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