We’re familiar with the terms ghosting and ghostlighting, and now the dating trend, “haunting” has entered the chat. “Haunting” is a dating trend emerging on social media that describes an ex from a previous relationship continuing to interact on social media even after you’ve elected to cut all ties (no contact and seeing each other in person).
Haunting behaviors include liking your photos, watching your stories, or leaving comments, which are usually passive, causing you not to feel the need to respond or address the behavior directly. Essentially, being haunted means your ex keeps tabs on you through social media, which is the opposite of ghosting. But what, if anything, should you do about this type of intrusive behavior?
Some people who experience haunting decide to block their ex on social media, but Damona Hoffman, a relationship expert and dating coach, suggests that this method may be a little too extreme. “I only believe in blocking as a last resort. As a dating coach who focuses on communication, I prefer my clients express themselves with their words rather than letting what goes unsaid speak for them. However, there are some situations when blocking is appropriate and necessary. Of course, if someone is threatening you or doing anything inappropriate or illegal, you should block them immediately,” she says.
Hoffman continues, “Haunting is an emerging communication form because we must remember that sometimes, not saying something speaks volumes. When an ex haunts your social media, it can bring up feelings of nostalgia, dread, anger, and confusion—especially if it’s someone who ghosted you in the end without word or warning.”
However, if you feel uncomfortable with being haunted, you should consider those feelings and act accordingly. “Ultimately, the decision comes down to how the person’s haunting makes you feel. Does it prevent you from moving on? Is it bringing up difficult emotions?” says Hoffman. “If the answer to any of those questions is yes, it’s advisable to block them. There is, however, sometimes discovery and growth to be had in asking the person why they’d ghost you but still follow you. If the directness of the question scares them away, it can only be a good thing to have them out of your life (and your feed). Still, if they reply, you might learn something about yourself, your patterns, your attractions, and how you can choose who to give your time and emotional energy to in the future.”
Relationship and intimacy expert Nikquan Lewis believes that social media is a passive yet assertive form of communication, and it’s up to us to develop a “communication code of conduct” for how we like to be “spoken to” verbally or non-verbally. For some people, an ex-watching their stories is inconsequential. But for others, it can feel frustrating, concerning, or even super invasive, depending on how they’re processing the ending of things and their relationship with social media.
So, if your ex haunts you, consider this question: “How is this impacting you?” she says. Here are some internal questions you should ask yourself to determine your next plan of action, according to Lewis:
Should You Block Them?
There’s no right or wrong answer here—this comes down to what feels healthiest for you. Here are some things to consider if you’re deciding whether to block:
Is Behavior Keeping You From Moving Forward?
If seeing their name on your stories feels like a setback or stirs up emotions that make it hard to heal, blocking might be the best way to give yourself the emotional space you need.
Was The Relationship Unhealthy Or Even Toxic?
If the relationship brought you harm, blocking is often the healthiest option. This isn’t about being petty—it’s about protecting your peace.
Is It Affecting Your Current Relationship?
If haunting creates insecurities or drama in a new relationship or is just unsettling, it might be time to draw a line and protect your peace.
Moving Forward With Intention
Ultimately, the choice to block or not is all about you. Prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being isn’t selfish—it’s imperative. If haunting is bringing anything other than peace into your life, trust that it’s okay to set a boundary and move forward.
Sometimes, closing one chapter completely opens you up for the next one. So, if you’re feeling haunted, don’t be afraid to reclaim your virtual space.
