I’m not sure what made me say, “Do I have permission to share this conversation online?” on video the first time I posted a conversation between my son and me. It wasn’t something I’d seen, especially in a social media landscape where our images, especially of our beloved children, seem to be shared like public property. I’d been asking the question in the background, but letting others see my children communicate consent in their interactions with me felt important. It became our practice to inform the children that something they said was insightful, ask permission to record and share an abbreviated version of the exchange, and then ask again after pressing record, allowing them to listen to the playback and give approval.
The responses I received spoke to the rarity of social content explicitly demonstrating children’s consent. This shaped my decision not to share my children’s faces online and limit their presence in my content altogether.
“We often forget that children are people too, and they have a right to have a say in what is shared about them online,” says Amanda Long, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of TRUE Space Counseling and Psychological Services. “When parents share aspects of their child’s life online, it’s crucial to consider how this may impact their evolving self-identity and self-esteem,” she says, noting the importance of protecting our children’s sense of autonomy and personal agency.
Parents aren’t always aware that even innocent, well-meaning posts can impact their long-term relationship with themselves and others. The implications include how a digital footprint can follow children as they age.
“For many young people, the online world can become a significant part of their social lives, influencing how they perceive themselves and their relationships. Parents should be aware of the potential for social comparison and the impact of online interactions on their children’s mental health,” Long says. “Encouraging critical thinking about social media content and promoting resilience can help children navigate these challenges more effectively.”
Long notes that the hypervisibility and increased scrutiny Black families experience mean sharing images online brings additional pressure and can “unintentionally open doors to outside critique or commentary.” Sometimes, it’s family giving unsolicited feedback about hair and outfits. Other times, strangers criticize our parenting and lifestyle choices or make assumptions about our families.
Shifting to an image-free social media, as my husband and I choose, is not required. However, having intentional talks and teaching your children that they have a say in their image matters. Creators like Leroy Garrett, a lifestyle content creator focused on relatable fitness and family-oriented content, have found ways to share his children’s images but ensure the content offers an empowering example showcasing the Black family unit while prioritizing their safety.
He notes the importance of showing positive examples of Black fathers actively involved in their children’s lives. “Black fatherhood is a core part of my identity, and I aim for my platform to reflect that positivity,” he says.
Still, privacy consents are also important. Open dialogue with his wife about what they’re willing to share and who they’re willing to share it with are necessary parts of his mission, because their family’s safety and comfort are his top priorities.
“I mitigate any fears about sharing personal information online by being highly conscious of what I post, especially when it involves my children,” he says. “I’m careful to review content thoroughly to ensure it’s appropriate and doesn’t reveal any compromising details.”
Long says regular check-ins and clear communication of boundaries with co-parents and children help establish a balance between sharing milestones and respecting their child’s privacy.
“Before terms are agreed upon, both parents should have an opportunity to share their perspective in a non-judgmental, safe environment. ‘I-statements’ is a great tool for parents to express their feelings and concerns about online sharing without placing blame and inciting conflict,” she says. “I encourage parents to focus on the child’s best interest during these conversations to help maintain a shared goal, which may help to ease any tension associated with the conversation.”
If co-parents have different perspectives, she says seeing a family therapist can help with navigating disagreements. Pre-post check-ins on your headspace and reasons for sharing images are also helpful.
“Avoid sharing during emotionally charged moments or when you’re feeling overwhelmed,” she says. “Before posting, ask yourself these questions: ‘Why do I want to share this? How might my child be affected by my post? What would my child’s father/mother think about what I post?’”
Long’s parenting journey revealed that establishing image-sharing boundaries with extended family might also be necessary. She encourages parents to trust themselves over pressure to share based on social media trends, like posting on the first day of school, birthdays, holidays, and family events.
Of course, our children’s preferences around sharing their images may fluctuate or shift over time. Garrett and his wife are mindful of this in their consent practices. “As they grow and develop their own voices, I’ll absolutely respect their choices about being on camera,” he says, noting more private moments are limited to an intimate circle of contacts.
For now, they use content they create to prepare for what’s next. “When my children are featured in brand deals, they’re compensated with funds set aside in a 529 account for their future,” he says. “I encourage other parents who include their children in these collaborations to consider doing something similar for their children’s future.”
