Essence Atkins Opens Up About Being Abstinent For 4 Years: ‘I Have Tremendous Clarity’

Atkins was previously married to Jaime Mendez in 2009. They met on Valentine’s Day in 2008 through Match.com. In 2011, they welcomed a son named Varro on Christmas day. Mendez and Atkins divorced in 2016. 

When asked why her marriage dissolved in her Hardly Initiated podcast interview last November, Atkins said the following, “There’s a difference between knowing God and submitting your life to him as savior. As Christians, we aren’t always aware that we must cultivate a relationship with God. It’s not enough to just know him. Marriage is something that I think we need to be in partnership with God regarding how to navigate it. We’re people, we’re growing, we’re infallible, we’re flawed, and we can’t always look for instruction from others. I don’t think we (Mendez and Atkins) did that enough.” 

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In honor of her ex-husband and son, she didn’t specify why her marriage dissolved. “I love the relationship I have with my ex-husband. As my son’s father, he’s a great father, so I try to honor that and respect our privacy.”

When it comes to why she’s choosing to abstain from sex, she believes that intimacy is supposed to be something that we treasure and that we value. Additionally, previously opened up to being exposed to sex at a young age through porn. “I am someone who used to watch porn,” she said. “It was a struggle for me. I discovered porn when I was a child. My mom’s boyfriend had it, so I consumed porn as a teenager and as a young adult. When I became a believer, I believed that pornography was keeping me and helping me abstain from sex.” 

She spoke about her decision on the Sherri Shepard show in depth. “What I found is that I have tremendous clarity. So when I meet someone, because I’m not distracted by the possibility, I can really assess and listen with much better ears than I could have before, which was looking at how attractive someone is. You can spot the inconsistencies in someone much easier without the distraction of physical touch,” she shared with the television host. 

Sherri, still not convinced about the benefits of abstinence, responded to Atkins, “If you don’t put anything on that rusty gate, it’s going to fall off.” Atkins retorted, “I’ll let you know when that happens.”