Trump Gets ‘Sentenced’ On 34 Felonies

On Jan. 20, President-elect Donald Trump will have redefined (or just defined) American exceptionalism by becoming the first president of the United States to be sworn into office as a convicted felon. MAGA, amirite?

Source: Michael M. Santiago / Getty

On Friday, Trump received his sentence on 34 felonies related to falsifying business records and hush money payments.

Well, not really.

Technically, New York Judge Juan Merchan did sentence Trump — but what exactly is the practical value of a felony sentence that includes no jail time, no probation, and no fines? Sounds like a non-sentence, don’t it?

According to the Grio, Merchan issued Trump a sentence of “unconditional discharge,” which essentially means his criminal record will still reflect his status as a felon, but he has been released by the court without having to pay an actual penalty.

“This court has determined that the only lawful sentence that permits entry of a judgment of conviction without encroaching upon the highest office in the land is an unconditional discharge,” Merchan said.

In other words: “You did what you did, and you should probably punished for it — but you’re about to be president, so what the hell am I supposed to do?”

The federal judge also noted in his ruling that his unconditional discharge does not “reduce the seriousness of the crime” — but doesn’t it? 

There are already millions of MAGA-fied working-class Americans — who a federal judge would happily throw in jail if they intentionally falsified a single line on their income tax form — going to bat for a billionaire business fraud because they don’t (or are pretending not to) believe he committed a real crime. Republican leaders — who would happily throw any 34-time felon Democrat who committed the same crimes Trump did under the jail — have been lying about being victims of a “two-tier justice system” for the last two years all because a rich white man was convicted for crimes rich white men usually skate on without so much as a smudge on their criminal records. Suppose Trump or any elected official gets the privilege of answering for crimes without actually being punished just because they are elected officials. Does that not, in fact, “reduce the seriousness” of their crimes?

Trump and his loyal minions are so delusional when it comes to what actual injustice and judicial bias look like that even after getting a comfy seat in the justice system’s V.I.P. section, Trump still responded to his non-sentencing by immediately rushing to social media to call the proceedings a “despicable charade,” “a very terrible experience”, an “injustice” and, his favorite platitude, a “witch-hunt.”

Merchan granted Trump the break of a lifetime, and that still didn’t stop Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson from referring to him as a “liberal judge” who “grossly perverted the American legal system” by not dismissing the case against his MAGA messiah altogether. Johnson also declared that he would aid Trump in “restoring the American people’s trust in our system of justice,” as if anyone outside of white-and-exhaustingly-privileged America has ever held such “trust.”

Imagine being rich white men who sail through the legal system’s express lane with all the power and privilege in the world and still having such a massive persecution complex that you believe you’re a victim of systemic oppression.

America was never great, and that’s why Trump is returning to the White House.