MOVIES: The Fountain of Youth

The Fountain of Youth is Guy Ritchie’s latest global treasure hunt movie that’s one part Uncharted, one part National Treasure and all parts bad. Centred around a brother/sister pairing; washed up treasure hunter John Krasinski is forced to work together with museum sellout Natalie Portman to protect their father’s legacy by finding the mythical fountain of youth. It’s Ritchie in autopilot; lacking the flair of his 90s British gangster films or even the recent blockbuster work like The Man from UNCLE and The Gentlemen. It just feels dull – from the start; and that’s largely due to the casting – Krasinski has negative chemistry with anyone that he’s involved with and him and Portman don’t feel believable as brother/sister.

The plot twists are too predictable and you know what’s coming a mile off; the location scavenger hunts are dull and a way for Ritchie to throw Apple’s millions up the wall – this is Apple showing how much money they have again by getting an Oasis needle drop and using it in the most eye-rollingly way possible at the end credits. It’s dull. It’s flat. It’s cliché – every part of this is stolen from better movies and better video games; there are set-pieces straight from Uncharted. The characters have the most threadbare characterisation – there’s a gifted kid musical prodigy – why is he there, really? Nobody knows – and no real character arc is done with him – Portman is reduced to telling Krasinski that he’s wrong the whole time and Krasinski then finally admits that he’s wrong. The movie attempts to force a enemies-to-lovers romance between Krasinski and Eiza Gonzalez; who plays a character intent on stopping Krasinski from finding the fountain of youth – but Krasinski comes off as creepy more than charming in their initial encounter and for some reason, Stanley Tucci is there for five seconds? The plot feels like a torture to get through. It begs the question – why was Krasinski ever allowed to escape beyond The Office and turn into a movie star in the first place?

At best; he’s miscast here. A rugged glory hunter – Luke Purdue is no Indiana Jones – not convincing when he’s the assshole and not charming enough to look enthusiastic when coming face to face with the mythical fountain of youth about it being; the mythical fountain of youth. The dynamic between Krasinski and Portman is threadbare at best – Domhnall Gleeson barely registers as a dying billionaire looking for the Fountain; and the film just becomes dull – there’s no sense of adventure; no sense of gravitas – no real risk or daring that the Indiana Jones movies had – Ritchie’s camerawork is safe, formulaic and predictable. Everything looks old and tired before it even arrives on screen – and it’s arguably; the weakest Ritchie movie to date. Which – after Aladdin, is saying something. With dozens of tv shows in the works – maybe he’s stretched too thin?