The death of Ozzy Osbourne has generated more stories and attention than any other rock star’s passing since Bowie and Prince in 2016.
The man, to put it mildly, lived an extremely colourful life. Now that he’s gone, there’s a massive amount of interest in his life.
How well did you know Ozzy? No fair using Google.
1. Ozzy used to torment one of his teachers, a certain Mr. Lane. How?
(a) Leaving dead bats and lizards on his chair.
(b) Heating up a penny coin with a blowtorch and leaving it for Mr. Lane to pick up from his desk.
(c) Screaming “I AM IRON MAN” at irregular intervals during class.
Answer: (B) Poor Mr. Lane burned his fingers on many occasions. He was happy to see Ozzy drop out of school at the age of 15.
2. In 2010, Ozzy was the subject of some serious medical research in a project costing US$65,000. What did doctors find?
(a) His genome had a never-before-seen mutation that allowed his body to tolerate drugs and alcohol with superhuman strength.
(b) DNA analysis showed that he was related to the House of Windsor and was 132nd in line to the throne.
(c) Ozzy’s body contained an undeveloped conjoined twin.
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Answer: (A) In a paper presented at a medical conference, researchers revealed that he was a genuine mutant as a result of an extremely rare anomaly possessed by both his parents.
3. Which pre-Sabbath job did Ozzy really like?
(a) Tuning car horns at the factory of an automobile manufacturer.
(b) Head cow-killer at an abattoir.
(c) Plumber’s apprentice.
Answer: (B) He rather enjoyed his time at the slaughterhouse. The only thing he liked about the horn-tuner job was his ability to sniff toxic chemicals used for decreasing machine parts. The less said about the plumber experience, the better.
4. What was the name of Ozzy’s first wife?
(a) Thelma Riley
(b) Louise Carson
(c) Sharon Arden
Answer: (A) He married Thelma Riley in 1971. The marriage lasted until 1982 and shared three children, including one from Thelma’s previous relationship. Their names are Elliot (whom he adopted), Louis, and Jessica. He had three kids with Sharon: Aimee, Kelly, and Jack.
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5. In the 1980s, Ozzy was responsible for nearly killing the visiting neighbourhood vicar. How?
(a) Sharon accidentally served him cake Ozzy had made. She didn’t know that it was 20 per cent cake mix and 80 per cent Afghani hash.
(b) He thought he was a burglar and went after him with a shotgun.
(c) The vicar was nearly run down by a drunken Ozzy on his riding lawnmower.
Answer: (A) Ozzy and Sharon had a man who delivered fresh produce to the house. He also supplied Ozzy with some extremely potent Afghani product that Ozzy used for baking.
6. On Jan. 20, 1982, Ozzy famously bit the head off a bat during a show in Des Moines, Iowa. What did Ozzy later say the bat tasted like?
(a) Bitter
(b) Sweet
(c) Salty
Answer: (C) Now you know. Ozzy needed two rabies shots every night for the rest of the tour.
7. Don Arden, father of Sharon and Ozzy’s original manager for his solo career, had this nickname for his son-in-law.
(a) “Brummie Moron”
(b) “Vegetable”
(c) “Loser man”
Answer: (B) The nickname came when Ozzy passed out in a hotel hallway the night of their wedding.
8. In the 1980s, Ozzy enjoyed watching TV with:
(a) A donkey named Sally
(b) A monkey named Curious George
(c) A lizard called Iggy
Answer: (A) Sally was allowed into the living room to keep Ozzy company while he watched the telly.
9. When Ozzy checked into the Betty Ford Centre, what was his first question?
(a) “When’s checkout?”
(b) “Is there room service?”
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(c) “Where’s the bar?”
Answer: (C) Ozzy misunderstood. He thought the Betty Ford Centre was a resort.
10. Ozzy loved what breed of dog?
(a) Yorkshire terriers
(b) English bulldogs
(c) Doberman pinschers
Answer: (B) The most famous were Lola and Bugzy from The Osbournes TV show.
11. What was Ozzy’s favourite snack food?
(a) Burritos
(b) French fries
(c) Philadelphia cheesesteak sandwiches
Answer: (A) He’d often have multiple burritos a day.
12. One of Ozzy’s next-door neighbours and friends was:
(a) Dolly Parton
(b) Donny Osmond
(c) Pat Boone
Answer: (C) Pat and Ozzy got along famously. You might remember that Boone’s cover of Crazy Train was used as the theme for The Osbournes. By the way, Dolly and Donny were both friends and fans. Dolly sent a video tribute to the final show and Ozzy once appeared in a Pepsi commercial with Donny and Marie.
13. What tattoos did Ozzy have both knees?
(a) Upside-down crosses
(b) O-Z-Z-Y
(c) Happy faces
Answer: (C) Ozzy was full of surprises.
14. How many times did Ozzy fail his driver’s test?
(a) 5
(b) 19
(c) 23
Answer: (B) He got it on his 20th try at the age of 61.
15. Just before he died, Ozzy raised money by selling some paintings he’d done with the aid of:
(a) His Sabbath bandmates
(b) His grandchildren
(c) A group of chimpanzees
Answer (C): Of course, it was chimps. The money went to Save the Chimps, a sanctuary in Florida.
There was never anyone like Ozzy. And we’ll never see his kind again.
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