I Ate Everything on Wendy’s ‘Wednesday’ Menu

Normally, I’m the one who makes tie-in food jokes like “it’s pure torture for your taste buds.”

This time, the fast food restaurant’s doing my work for me. Wendy’s officially dubbed their tie-in menu in honor of the second season of Netflix’s hit series Wednesday the “Meal of Misfortune.” The bag the meal comes in actually reads “There’s Nothing Happy About This Meal”! They even use the “torture for your taste buds” line in their television commercial promoting the collab.

Again: They are advertising their food by telling people that if they eat it they are going to torture their taste buds. See for yourself:

READ MORE: I Ate Everything on Burger King’s How to Train Your Dragon Menu

This is incredible. I can basically take the day off. No additional jokes about questionable flavors required! All I need to do is ingest a thousand calories or so of saturated fats and sodium and I’m home free!

Oh right. I still have to eat a menu that, according to the chain, was “designed by Wednesday Addams, the other pig-tailed outcast herself,” and is “centered around the ‘Dips of Dread,’ four inferno-inspired mystery sauces, along with ‘Rest in 10-Piece’ Nuggets, small ‘Cursed & Crispy’ Fries and a small ‘Raven’s Blood’ Frosty.’”

“Have to eat” would be the wrong choice of words for any other person. For me, regrettably, it is 100 percent accurate. When a chain restaurant makes a bunch of food inspired by a movie or television show, I have to eat all of it. Somehow, that has been my job for the last ten years.

Also somehow, I have only had four heart attacks in the last ten years. But I feel great right now! So let’s get down to business, and find out just how much misfortune this meal has in store for me.