Couple-Care: Dalijah & Willie – Essence

Couple-Care is a monthly series highlighting inspiring couples in our community. Each couple discusses how “couple-care” sustains their relationship, the self-care lessons they’ve learned from one another, and more.

A pole dancer and pastor can fall in love after all. 11 years ago, pole dancer and instructor Dalijah Franklin approached Willie Francois III after a mutual friend played matchmaker. At the time, Dalijah was a leader for the Young Adult Ministry and Willie was the associate pastor at First Corinthian Baptist Church in Harlem.

“Our friend was like ‘you guys should really hang out, I think you would like each other,’” Dalijah tells ESSENCE. “We eventually did and the rest has been history.” While their vocations may seem contradictory, their love is born in faith, rooted in romance, and is much more than meets the eye.

Willie—a Galveston, Texas-native—dedicates his life to building a progressive faith community, deprogram toxic religiosity, and approaching life’s biggest questions with those who wonder. Meanwhile, the founder of Black Girls Pole and co-founder of SADA, a pole studio in Brooklyn, Dalijah, finds her home in helping Black women reconnect with their bodies through movement.

“She tried to teach me how to pole dance, but I was a substandard student,” Willie jokes. “Maybe her worst student.” Given they both put their love for community at the core of their relationship, they have more in common than you think. In fact, we’d argue, they are a match made in Heaven.

Read on for more about their love story, how they practice couple-care, and more.

Their Favorite Couple-Care Memory

Dalijah: It would probably be traveling together. Over the years we have done a lot of international trips together and it is a great time for us to fully relax and unwind.

We also are huge Rom-Com lovers and after the kids are asleep we love to snuggle up and watch a good movie together (even if we have watched it 20x already).

Their Individual Self-Care Routines

Willie: My weekly self-care routine includes three workouts, daily silent meditation and prayer, reading, and free writing. Each affords particular outlets for decompressing and harvesting the stressors of high-capacity jobs. These practices help to declutter my mind and redirect my neural traffic. I also recently started playing golf. Beard health and facial care dominate my morning routine.

Dalijah: I am everything self-care! Besides pole, I do kettlebell workouts 2-3 times a week. I really enjoy early morning mile walks with our dog Wesley with no phone so I can clear my mind, pray and be in complete silence. I do monthly deep tissue and lymphatic drainage massages and get quarterly facials. I am a bath lover with my candles, bath salt and an Old Fashion to sip on. When I prioritize taking care of myself, I can show up as a better wife, mom and all around person. It all helps me to decompress and feel great about myself.

Their Couple-Care Routine

Dalijah: We made a promise years ago to always date each other. Whether it is trying something new like Axe throwing or a midweek lunch we always find time to connect, have fun with each, and prioritize romance. We have weekly check-ins every Monday to talk about everything from finances to travel. It helps us to make sure we are on the same page. Having 2 young children together can be challenging because a lot of your energy goes towards being present parents so our weekly dating and check-ins help to support our relationship.

The Self-Care Lessons They’ve Learned From Each Other

Willie: She tried to teach me how to pole dance, but I was a substandard student. Maybe her worst student. Dalijah inspires my commitment to an exercise and physical movement regimen, having watched her set fitness goals and exceed them over the years, even through pregnancies, absurd diet trends, and pre-dawn trips to the gym. She is also the reason I am enthralled with the cucumber facial spray. 

The Products They’ve Introduced to Each Other

Willie: I am a big fan of Scotch Porter products—beard balm, leave-in conditioner, wash, and face wash—and Mario Badescu facial spray with aloe, cucumber, and green tea. She noticed that her Mario Badescu facial spray was emptying quicker than usual then made a comment about how hydrated and dewy my face had been looking recently. When she finally put it together we had a good laugh about it.

Dalijah: My go to facial products are Drunk Elephant night serum and BHA Mask, Dr. Dennis Gross daily peels, BYOMA hydrating serum and cleanser, and daily tinted sunscreen by Super Goop.

What Couple-Care Means to Them

Dalijah: Our partnership really thrives when we make space for each other to rest, relax and have fun. With 2 children, running businesses, teaching and pastoring a church it is easy to lose each other in the day to day chaos.

Couple-care means honoring our marriage and friendship with connection, joy, and safety. Sometimes it is something as small as a head nod that communicates we feel seen by each other and that makes all the difference in the world.