The woman is sent into a “tailspin” after asking Reddit for advice, before she snoops on her husband’s phone, confronts him with her findings, and contemplates “forgiveness or divorce” after his explanation.
A woman has taken to Reddit, twice, for help after her husband’s behavior has her asking, “What the f—????”
In two posts shared to the site’s anonymous Relationship Advice thread, the woman wonders what she should do after discovering her husband has told his coworkers that she’s his sister. After her post was flooded with ways to handle the situation, she then followed it up with a second post — after confronting her other half over discoveries she found on his phone.
Keep reading to see how it all played out.
The Initial Cry for Help
OP (the Original Poster) began her story by explaining she and her husband, who she referred to as Josh, have been together for six years, married for four. “We have a really healthy and communicative relationship, we’re both pretty easy-going and I really love him,” she shared.
She went on to say that when he began working at an accounting firm three years ago, he started going out with them for drinks after work, something she hasn’t had an issue with. Questions started to arise, however, when she ran into one of his coworkers at a bar while out with her own friends and he said to her, “It’s great that you guys are still so close. I haven’t talked to my brother in ages.”
“At the time I was like, huh? But I just assumed he was drunk and not making sense, so I ignored it,” she wrote, adding that he got “a little flirty” with her at the time. She later ran into another coworker while walking their dog, who said, “aren’t you a good sister, walking his dog for him!”
“I seriously don’t know what to do, because what the f–k????? Do I even ask my husband about this? Part of me is just assuming or hoping that it’s a mistake, that he doesn’t talk about me much at work and they assume we are related because we both have brown hair,” she continued. “But the thought that he has been telling his coworkers that I’m his sister (and evidently they have seen what I look like, so they must have seen photos) makes my stomach churn. I don’t even know how I would broach the subject with him.”
Advice Makes Her “Tailspin”
Immediately, Reddit was suspicious of the woman’s husband.
“Does he not wear a wedding ring to work? Why does he need to hide the fact he’s married? Sorry OP, but this would send me into a tailspin. Find out as much as you can before confronting him,” read one of the most popular responses.
“This is where i am right now, tailspinning :(( Reading these comments and starting to think I’m stupid because it seems so obvious from an outside perspective,” OP replied. “But I know him so well I’m just finding it so hard to fathom he would even do something like this!!!”
When someone else said, “He’s either having an affair at work or keeping his options open. Neither good,” OP responded, “I’m starting to think you’re right.”
“I think you are underreacting here. There is literally no good reason he has told all his coworkers you are his sister. I am so sorry. You could choose to ask him why or you could just leave,” wrote another — as OP replied, “You’re right, I think I was still in denial and hoping it was all a mixup when i posted this (I still am a little). My husband is out right now and I’m in bed and my head is spinning, but I think I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
The Talk
Well, that talk did happen … after a little more investigating by OP.
She explained that she “followed some advice and decided to look through his phone properly while he was sleeping,” going through all his messages and apps. He saw some “vaguely flirty” comments with female coworkers — and though she noted they were “nothing I would call egregious,” they did still upset her and “send me into a bit of a spiral.” She also screen shotted the messages and sent them to herself.
She continued to look for evidence he was telling everyone they were siblings, when she saw a message from the first guy she ran into at the bar — the one who hit on her. In the message, the man asked, “Ran into your sis at [the bar] on Fri. She’s single right??”
“And my husband had the f–king gall to reply, ‘Nah, she’s married,'” wrote OP. “I literally almost burst into flames on the spot when I saw that, I can’t even describe how much I was shaking after reading those messages. Firstly that I could have confronted Josh about this MONTHS ago, I was (and still am) so furious with myself for that … But secondly, I was just in shock that he had the balls to tell this guy that I’M the one who is married, because he doesn’t want anyone having it on with me, but HE is allowed to coyly flirt with every f–king woman in the office???”
She also found a group chat from about 2 years ago where he shared some vacation photos of the couple in Bali — but said they were of “me and sis in Nusa Dua.” She took screenshots of those as well.
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Furious, she spent the night with a friend, and then went home to confront him.
“Long story short, I got home and he tried to hug me, but I refused him and we just stood in the kitchen. I did confront him like someone suggested, I just said, ‘why have you been telling your coworkers I’m your sister?'” she wrote.
“He just frowned at me and looked flabbergasted. He just said, ‘huh?’ This made me SO ANGRY. How are you going to pretend to be stupid after THREE YEARS OF LYING?” she continued. “I basically said, don’t play f–king dumb, TWO of your coworkers have greeted me as your sister, and I have proof of you telling them. And I know you’re pretending to be single. Essentially I asked him what he had to say for himself.”
OP said he continued to play dumb, before she pulled out the screenshots, he acted “confused,” and she left. Eventually, she went back home and he shared his explanation for what happened.
He claimed he played dumb because he couldn’t “immediately think of something to say for himself,” before saying that when he started his accounting gig, he realized he worked with a bunch of “f–kboys” in a “frathouse” atmosphere. One costar who was married, he said, was always picked on or excluded from social activities — and, “desperate to fit in,” he never mentioned that he was, too. She said he also claimed he first told them she was his sister “in a moment of panic” when someone spotted a phoho of them together on his lock screen.
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By that point, he just kept the ruse going because he “didn’t have the balls” to admit he had lied to them. The guys also kept ribbing him about his “sister” and wanting to sleep with her, so he said he told the coworker Jake she was married to get it to stop. He also said he was “really ashamed” about the Bali photos, claimed that “he never had an affair or even considered it,” and said his “banter” with his female coworkers while trying to look like a “f–kboy” himself was “disgusting.”
OP said her husband “said that he was disgusted with himself and ashamed that he had lied for so long, but felt like he had trapped himself and that he couldn’t find a way to get himself out of it,” before claiming he would come clean to his whole office or even quit if that’s what she wanted.
She said his apologies seemed “sincere and genuine,” adding she was staying with a friend while taking time to think about her next steps.
“I can’t say whether I’m leaning towards forgiveness or divorce, but those are really the only options. I kind of feel lost in a void at the moment, that’s probably the best way to describe it, just emptiness,” she wrote, thanking those on Reddit for advice and adding this would probably be her last update.
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In the comments, most continued to call out her husband for gaslighting her and being a “child” and “POS” for keeping the ruse going so long. When one person said their own husband told coworkers — “Including the coworker he was f–king” — that she was “the babysitter,” OP responded saying she’s still “not convinced that he hasn’t been unfaithful” and isn’t sure she could trust him again.
She also added, “I still can’t shake the feeling that he went with sister because he was worried he would get s–t for having an ugly wife rather than a hot wife.”
What do you think?
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