Grace Penn Becomes President — Best TV Quotes

You didn’t think we’d forget Quotes of the Week, did you?

In the column below — which rounds up the best sound bites of the past seven days — you’ll find nearly a dozen shows represented, including “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”, “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City”, “DMV”, “The Diplomat”, “The Chair Company” and “Watson.”

Also featured in this week’s roundup: “Ghosts” takes a jab at the city of Boston, “Brilliant Minds” delivers a lesson on Britney Spears and “NCIS: Origins” gets irritated over an agent’s IBS. Plus, we’ve got quotable moments from “The Morning Show” and “Law & Order: SVU.” 

Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Dave Nemetz and Kimberly Roots)

“He’s out there talking like a jackass, handling his weapon like a half-wit!”

“And the IBS.”

“You add that to the man’s angry bowels — he’s a walking hazard out there, sir!”

Gibbs (Austin Stowell) hands Franks (Kyle Schmid) an assist in his case against Cliff

“Katy Perry, the pop music superstar, was spotted smooching the former Prime Minister of Canada Justin Trudeau… I’ve been wondering how Canada was going to exact their revenge for the tariffs, and this is it. They’re taking our women. They’re not just taking our women, they’re taking our astronauts! I don’t know why more people aren’t paying more attention to this. It’d be like if George Bush started dating Charli XCX.”

“I don’t do any tartares. I feel like the salmon will, like… I’ll eat it and then I’ll digest it, it’ll get in my belly, and just start developing a family, little salmon babies, and just camp out, and just hang out in my belly and never, ever come out.”

Mary very bravely shares her fear of eating raw fish

“A terribly flawed woman is now the President, and only we know just how flawed. So I have to be her f—king VP just so we can keep an eye on her.”

Kate (Keri Russell) spells out exactly what’s at stake now that Grace Penn has ascended to the Oval Office

“I swear I have the worst pillow in town! This thing is made of goddamn metal!”

Ron (Tim Robinson) is a little tense as he tries to sleep the night before a big presentation

“When it doesn’t work out with the one you pick, because it probably won’t, you call me, OK? I mean that.”

Well, getting sent home by Mel didn’t dent Nicolle’s self-confidence one bit, did it?

“I can’t throw away my life in some dead-end job for crappy pay and no hope of happiness. No offense, Gregg.” 

“Oh, I wasn’t offended, until you said Gregg!” 

Colette (Harriet Dyer) accidentally offends a coworker (Tim Meadows) while trying to talk her way through a quarter-life crisis

“Poor Jay. An eternity in Hell. I know what that’s like. I once spent a weekend in Boston!” 

Isaac (Brandon Scott Jones) cracks himself up with a little dig at the Massachusetts capital

“How the hell do you guys handle this stuff?”

“Don’t. Have. Kids.”

The advice Bruno (Kevin Kane) gives Griffin (Corey Cott) about how to deal with the horrors they encounter at work is simple, but effective

“Cory Ellison seemed safe? Like, an open elevator shaft kind of safe?”

Alex (Jennifer Aniston) can’t quite fathom Bradley’s reasons for sleeping with Cory

“We’ve got a new patient. Arianna Burnett, 52, head trauma, previously diagnosed with dementia, and her husband just informed us she’s in a guardianship.”

“As in conservatorship? As in #FreeBritney?”

“Britney…?”

“Spears. ‘Baby One More Time.'”

“‘Oops!…I Did It Again.'”

“If this is a pop culture reference, I’m gonna need you to give me more.”

“Dr. Wolf, are you trolling us?”

Dang (Aury Krebs), Kinney (Ashleigh LaThrop) and Porter (Brian Altemus) can’t believe Wolf (Zachary Quinto) aren’t familiar with the pop princess

“Sherlock?”

“My dear Watson.”

Watson (Morris Chestnut) gets quite the surprise when he investigates sounds coming from his kitchen one night