This week the Real Housewives of Miami are still hanging in Palm Beach at this gorgeous estate. Let us enjoy the Palm Beach lifestyle vicariously through these ladies, shall we?
The ladies all come to the kitchen wearing their bathing suit ensembles. Larsa thinks she has the best look but really Kiki is the one who looks fabulous in her suit. Marysol even has a cute suit for her body type but Lisa’s outfit is not flattering on her at all nor is Julia’s frumpy style. Guerdy looks super cute in her lavender outfit. Alexia has a cute retro style bathing suit and Adriana looks fun and flirty in her red suit with a blue Chanel coverup. I would really have been disappointed if my Miami ladies did not bring it since we have access to fabulous swimwear living in South Florida.
Lisa wants the ladies to play a game and all I can think is— UGH— two shows this week and games that go awry. She does have a fun game which is a pseudo scavenger hunt where they have tasks to complete and take photos. Nicole must look for lip gloss or tampon in Kiki’s room but wraps her hand around her dildo and she is grossed out. She cannot imagine someone bringing a sex toy on a girl’s trip, but a girl must come sometimes! Marysol, Alexia and Nicole win the game and get an aroma 360 device! This game was fun and silly, and this is what makes a good girl’s trip.
Marysol and Nicole get a chance to chat alone. She lets Nicole know she is sorry she was hard on her for the last two years. Nicole lets Marysol know she does not hate her, which is a strong word but strongly disliked her behavior towards her. She admits she finds Marysol amusing and now can laugh at her jokes— since hopefully they will no longer be at her expense.
While getting ready for dinner, Alexia and Marysol are trying to close the blinds in their room. They try jumping up to pull them down and climbing on each other to close them. I could not help shaking my head at this because in a house this opulent you know everything is automated. Alexia finds the switch and thinks she is Einstein for discovering they are automatic blinds. She and Tre are a match made in dim-whit heaven.
The ladies head out to dinner—in a sprinter. The ladies discuss fetishes and Kiki talks about licking a*s amongst various other topics. This whole conversation literally gives me a bad taste in my mouth which would piss me off right before dinner! Larsa cannot believe that they ended up in a sports bar because they have TVs at the bar. She must put in a lot of effort to cram those body parts into her tight dresses. Lisa toasts to everyone getting along better and just fighting like sisters.
Marysol wants to address the elephant in the room— called Adriana. She admits she was unkind in the sprinter to the charity event and does not feel good about it. Alexia reminds her that she stayed away from her home since Adriana was there. Adriana admits they were one-upping each other and being nasty to each other. Can we please put this to rest?
Julia then chimes in and is clearly gunning for Marysol. She blames Marysol for why the group cannot move forward. Alexia agrees that Marysol does not own up to the rumors she spreads, which shocks everyone since their motto is Bro’s before Ho’s. Julia wants to know if Marysol hires a private detective to spy on people. Lisa admits that she heard someone was following Anthony around and trying to catch him doing something sketchy. Julia shares that she heard some of these rumors from Marysol’s ex and I see Marysol’s expression crack, or her fillers deflated not 100% sure on that. Marysol gets emotional since that was such a painful relationship, and this is clearly a tactic to change the topic.
Lisa tries to mention Lenny and the other ladies try to get her to stop. Kiki tries to get her to shift attention to something else. Lisa gets upset when Kiki tries to reason with her, and Lisa asks her “Who are YOU to talk to ME about what’s happening in my life?” Alexia tries to get Lisa to understand they have good intentions. It is then decided a bathroom break is needed to cut the tension.
Larsa tells Guerdy that she meant well and GUERDY’S news was a lot for HER to deal with alone. She sent flowers but refuses to accept responsibility for blabbing. Guerdy can sense that Larsa is never going to turn back into a real girl and be empathic, so she decides to let this one go. She then pivots to Lisa who has promise and recognizes that Lisa needs to have her friends listen to her. Marysol wants to get the sobbing Lisa back to the house so she can get up in the morning and start making some money of her own.
Julia and Adriana chat in the morning about Marysol’s ex-boyfriend. She says that Marysol traumatizes him, and we hear again about voodoo dolls. Adriana mentions in her confessional that Leah Black (who I think will appear if you say her name three times like Beetlejuice) told her she wanted Adriana dead in a Santeria (Religion that blends Catholic and African traditions) service. I found myself doing the sign of the cross since voodoo has been brought up two times on the housewife shows. Please make it stop! Julia brings up Alexia needing Todd’s permission to sleep in the same room with her. Adriana thinks she is being prejudiced against her since she is gay.
Lisa has planned a surprise for everyone- they will be playing croquette. Lisa is going to a lab to finalize her signature scent. Nicole and Adriana join Lisa for her lab visit. Lisa cannot understand why her BFF Larsa does not want to go with her. They get to ride tot he croquette field in some vintage cars which are super eclectic. Car #2 breaks down with Kiki, Larsa and Julia and I am living for this. Can you imagine Larsa having to waddle down the highway flagging down a motorist while she is melting? Kiki is not worried about being stuck in Palm Beach, but Larsa knows her hair will frizz, and her face will crack like a shell to show her true age. They all must load up in one car and everyone is b*tching about being crushed, especially Larsa. Can you image how much seat space is taken up with those a*s implants?
Lisa has Adriana and Nicole help her to try out some scents. This becomes a pseudo therapy session. Nicole asks Lisa what she wants for herself once this messy divorce is finalized. Lisa says, “I want people to be empowered when they think of my story.” Does she think she should spread the message to others that dating a self-proclaimed Boob God is bad for your health and wellbeing? Lisa looks forward to a day when anger and resentment are behind her. Nicole gives great advice and tells Lisa you can only control the controllable.
LOL! The Clampetts have arrived at the croquette game. They have a table set in the middle of the field with a view of some old dudes wandering around the field like they were just let out of the ALF for some exercise. Marysol gets a google alert about Lenny alleging Lisa is spending 10k on an Instacart account. Larsa who makes it known that Sephora is on Instacart too and that is Lisa’s go to guilty pleasure. She thinks Lisa needs to be more conservative and acknowledge that she is not going to have the same lifestyle. While looking at the old geezers playing croquette and scratching their balls none of them want to acknowledge that they are not that far behind them. Marysol looks fearful that her Death Becomes Her potion is going to stop working one day and she will morph into them.
Next week Nicole’s dad (R.I.P.) is filming, and he mentions he is having another kid. Lisa shares that Lenny wants to take the kids away from her and get full custody. Have a great rest of your week and take care Blurbers!
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