Theories abounded for why she initiated the arrangement … none of which seemed to help her perplexed husband, who insists their sex life is still “normal.”
A man has taken to the internet for advice after an ongoing dispute with his wife.
The tale, posted to an anonymous forum, detailed a living arrangement designed by the man’s spouse, which he says she insisted he follow to the letter — whilst she apparently felt entitled to break her own rules as she pleased.
According to OP (original poster), the woman would become distraught and claim he did not care about her if he attempted to make her follow the rules she herself had concocted.
The hard-nosed cynics of Reddit said they sniffed something fishy in all this — and not the veracity of the man’s narrative, but the motivation for the living arrangement itself.
Read on to see the story, and the best Reddit theories regarding this domestic mystery.
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The Case of Separate Bedrooms
“About a year ago, my (44M) wife (38F) suggested us getting separate bedrooms since she had a lot of trouble sleeping together and it would allow us to have our own privacy,” the man’s story began innocuously enough.
“I was initially not a big fan of the idea because I thought it would effect our relationship and our connection, but after talking about it for a few months I reluctantly agreed,” OP explained. “She also suggested that we need to respect each other’s privacy by knocking on each other’s doors before entering.”
“So for about a year now we have had our own bedrooms and to my surprise, I have been enjoying it a lot,” he admitted. “We still sleep together a few times a week, but do spend the majority of the nights separately.”
I was having my secret fun alone, and now that it’s over, I want you back.
“I have really enjoyed the privacy and having the opportunity to unwind by myself without having to worry about anything else,” he said he learned. “But my wife on the other hand doesn’t seem to be enjoying it as much. She has started spending more nights with me in my bedroom which is fine. But she has now started acting like we don’t have any agreements at all.”
“At first she was very adamant about knocking on each other’s doors before entering each other’s rooms and would frequently call me out on it if I didn’t,” OP continued, describing the beginning of their troubles. “But now she has started acting like my separate bedroom is her bedroom and she doesn’t knock before entering my room like we agreed to.”
Then came the hurt and anger.
“When I called her out on it, she got really emotional and angry with me,” OP described. “She told me that I didn’t care about her and I didn’t want to have her around anymore. She also said that it really hurts her feelings. But I just referred to all the rules she had made up and that has gotten her really upset.”
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“She Made Them Split the Cake and Was Upset When He Enjoyed His Piece Too Much,” And Other Reddit Theories
The post was branded NTA (not the a–hole) by the subreddit community, with many armchair detectives theorizing that there may have been another motivation to split their nighttime routines beyond just better sleep.
As one Redditor noted the situation was “like when someone suggests an open marriage to a completely blindsided partner so they can pursue their affair, but said affair fizzles out and the reluctant partner actually thrives in the dating scene and doesn’t want to go back.”
Drawing a “She got her cake, and now she wants to eat it too..” comment.
Which got an even cleverer reply: “She made them split the cake and was upset when he enjoyed his piece too much, while she didn’t. So now she wants to share again.”
This is like when someone suggests an open marriage to a completely blindsided partner so they can pursue their affair, but said affair fizzles out and the reluctant partner actually thrives in the dating scene and doesn’t want to go back.
However, when one commenter suggested “This is a wild opinion, but sounds a bit like ‘I was having my secret fun alone, and now that it’s over, I want you back'” OP was quick to shoot that possibility down.
“Like I said in another comment, this might well be true but I doubt it since our sex life hasn’t really changed since starting this whole arrangement. We still are regularly intimate like we use to,” he wrote.
And yet again when someone wrote that the situation “sounds like her affair is over and she wants to be back with you again,” OP swiftly replied: “I guess that’s a possibility, but I doubt this is the case because our sex life hasn’t really changed since starting this arrangement. We have been having sex about 2-3 times week which is about right for us.”
Of course, the most obvious solution was dangling there like low hanging fruit for all to see.
Casting aside cheating theories and other speculation, a few clear-eyed Redditors offered some actionable advice.
As one noted, “It seems very obvious that you should have a conversation about how you both still feel about the arrangement.”
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While another wrote: “I think you guys need an impartial third party for helping you discuss things. She wanted privacy and space. You did your best to allow that even though you weren’t entirely on board. Now, you’ve managed to make it work for you and she’s stomping all over the boundaries that SHE put in place, probably because SHE put them there. They were mainly for her and you were supposed to be upset about it. The fact that you’re no longer upset is nagging at her. And that in itself speaks to something else in the marriage that needs to be addressed. She doesn’t get to make unilateral rules, demand you abide by them, then emotionally manipulate you until she gets her own way — which seems to change whenever she feels like changing it.”
However, it seemed OP still wanted his wife to be the one to initiate further communication, placing the onus fully on her shoulders.
In reply to a Redditor saying, “Maybe she should try to communicate better,” OP replied, “That’s pretty much what I think. If this was a problem to her, I would assume she would communicate that to me like she does about other stuff.”
All of which inspired Redditors to advise him to not wait for her but to initiate some actual communication himself.
What do you think?
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