Allison Holker has opened up about her journey towards finding love again after experiencing the loss of her husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss.
The renowned dancer noted that she had been on a journey to “love myself” but was also hard-pressed to find out if it was possible to “like someone else again.” She admitted she was in a dark place and needed to work through it, but she has always believed in “life and love.”
Holker, who lost her husband to suicide in December 2022 at age 40, shared that she talked to him “almost every single night” after his death and has forgiven him.
Dating Is Not Off-Limit For Allison Holker
In a chat with Nick Viall on “The Viall Files podcast,” Holker discussed the grief she had to work through and her stand on finding love again after Boss’ death.
She revealed that she had to “learn to love [herself]” and work out if it was possible to fall in love again. At some point, she pondered if loving “someone else again while I still like someone and love someone else” was something she could place a hold on.
The dancer then shared her perspective on love and life, stating, “It’s a very complex situation I found myself in. It took me a long time to accept all of those things and the complexities of everything. But at the end of the day, I love life. So would I shy away from it?”
She continued, “I still find that the world is such a beautiful place, and there’s so much to be experienced. So, to what kind of capacity? What that looks like? I don’t know. But I’m definitely not shying away from it. It’s just, life to me is life, and I just think it’s here to be experienced.”
“Life and love is just something that I’ve always believed in,” she added, per People Magazine.
Allison Holker Went Through A ‘Dark’ Time
The 35-year-old “So You Think You Can Dance” alum’s openness about her willingness to date again seemingly came after a time of grief and reflection.
In her conversation with Viall, Holker, although not looking for a partner at the moment, noted that her outlook on life made it harder for her to accept the prospects of moving forward.
Holker discussed the emotional challenges she faced during the difficult time, which she had to work through and put behind her.
“I had so many dark spaces I was in, that I had to be in for so many different reasons, and I had to work through all these different processes of all these different things,” she confessed. “But, I have. “I’ve worked through ’em… you know, we’ll see what happens.”
Allison Holker Said She Talked With Boss After His Death
Elsewhere on the program, Holker shared an intimate part of her healing journey after the tragic passing of her husband, per People. She disclosed that she maintained a connection with him even after his death by engaging in talks that played a profound role in her healing process.
“I was talking to him really actively,” she said. “I talked to him almost every single night for a really long time.”
The new “So You Think You Can Dance” judge went on to share the nature of conversations she had with the late Boss, stating, “It would be about anything and everything. It could be how was the day today. Or I would be really upset and yelling at him sometimes.”
“There’s times I’ve just screamed, and there’s times I’ve been like, ‘Okay, I’m picking a school for the kids. What do you think of this school?’ And then, just wait for an answer. Yeah. You know, and so it’s all sorts of different kinds of things that we would talk about,” Holker added.
The Dancer Recounted Her ‘Most Healing’ Talk With Her Late Husband
Holker also opened up about a particular time she had “the biggest conversation” with him, which was “the most healing” for her.
“I was outside, and I was looking at the stars, and I said—whether it was necessary or not, I don’t know if it was necessary or needed—but I forgave him,” she said. “And I said, ‘I hope you found that peace.’ Like, genuinely, I really hope he found that peace that he needed and that he felt like he needed. You know? And that’s a really hard thing to do.”
Holker went on, “But I just have so much that I want; I needed to allow myself to almost be free of that for him. And so we just had this long dialogue, and I did. I was like, ‘I forgive you and I hope you have that peace. And I’ve got it, and I’ve got the kids, we’ve got each other. We’re gonna be okay.’”
She also said that she still felt late Boss’ “presence” and that he was “still protecting her” before revealing how much of a support system Ellen DeGeneres was for her and her family.
