Who knew a drawing of a polar bear would reveal these deep family issues?
A woman has taken to the internet for advice after a dispute with her father over a piece of art.
The story, posted to an anonymous forum, featured a drawing by the woman’s son that sparked a difficult family conversation.
While the initial post from OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) was rather brief, she went on to engage in various meaningful conversations in the comments.
Read on to see how the whole thing played out.
Original AITA Post on Reddit
“I shared my son’s drawing of a (realistic polar bear and it’s really good) with dad and he replied saying ‘I think he was not focused while doing this’,” OP wrote. “My son’s 9 years old.”
“It triggered so many things,” she explained. “I grew up in this environment. Nothing will ever be good. When I asked him what’s wrong with you to say that this is his reply: ‘Learn to call spade a spade. Learn to have the guts to say when it is not up to the mark it is so. I don’t have to say sweet words to please anyone including my children and grandchildren. It is my opinion and you can take it or leave it.'”
“I sent him a post on conditional love and how it affects children and told him no wonder I’m so messed up. Now I’m second guessing myself,” OP wrote in conclusion.
The Questions She Answered in The Comments
As you might expect, the majority of commenters were supportive of OP, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t have plenty of questions.
“NTA [Not The A–hole] – but keep your father away from your son at all costs. Clearly he had a negative impact on you as a child, you don’t want him to do the same for your son,” one concerned Redditor wrote.
“My mum is really attached to the kids, she’’ll be broken if I go NC [no contact] and leave her to deal with dad alone,” OP said in reply.
“But why are you still going out of your way to associate with him if he’s toxic and always has been? Are you subjecting your kid to the same toxicity you grew up with?” insisted another commenter.
“Don’t let this man near your son again.”
“He wasn’t this bad,” she explained. “I don’t know if it’s age or what.. even my mom is scared to talk to him when he gets angry. We live in a different city, can’t go no contact, my kids are very attached to my mom and she to them..”
“Your dad and his understanding on this matter is problematic. But beyond showing him that article you don’t owe him anymore labour to help him correct his behaviour. Just let him know that if he continues to be this shitty with your son, you will bar him from seeing your son to protect his emotional well being. And he can take it or leave it,” advised another.
“Thank you. Indian parents will guilt you for not looking after them when they’re old and they need you by their side,” OP said, reiterating her reticence in changing anything.
When another asked why she still had a “relationship with this guy?” she replied, “He does things for the kids like get them gifts and everything, and then says stuff like this. It’s always been like that. The family has to be picture perfect even if it’s all broken.”
That response inspired a Redditor to ask: “Is an occasional gift worth it to your child’s mental well being? Put your children before your mother and to non contact with your dad. She can come hang out without him. She’s a grown woman”.
“She won’t,” OP wrote. “He’s super controlling of everything she does. And financially dependent on him.”
“Does your dad praise other drawings by your kid? As an artist, it was helpful when my family gave me positive and negative feedback on my art so I could improve. In fact, the ones that took my art the most seriously weren’t afraid to tell me when something wasn’t my best. If your dad says 4 drawings are good and 1 is not focused, it could be more useful than saying it’s all perfect,” offered another. “Your kid is talented, and if he pursues art, he’s going to get a lot of criticism in the art world. If your dad is more often constructive (not necessarily complimentary) than s–tting on him, that’s valuable experience.”
“Thank you for that perspective,” OP said in reply. “He does appreciate him as well and is very proud and shares the drawings with everyone. But, I don’t want my son to be some trophy grandkid that they can show off and not value him as a person. That’s the fear.”
“Look, you are a parent. It’s your responsibility to protect your child. Don’t let this man near your son again, and talk to him about anything his grandfather may have said negatively to him in the past. Those words can live in your head forever, as I’m sure you already know,” wrote one Redditor.
“And that’s what hurts,” admitted OP. “Because growing up, my mum was way worse and wanting me to be perfect and I used to walk on eggshells because she would be angry all the time. At that time, dad was like the safe space. He would get angry and I would still do what they wanted, but he was way better than mom. And now, it’s the opposite. I’m healing from a lot of things, so maybe I react too quickly as well to when they say something.”
“Knowing what he is like – WHY would you expose your son to that attitude? Why would you SHOW his drawing to your dad? Are you still trying to get approval from dad?” added another.
“My son wanted to share it with family. And he’s very shy. So this kind of response is just horrible,” she explained.
What do you think?
