Kerry Washington Battled An Eating Disorder That Made Her Suicidal

Trigger warning: discussions of suicidal ideation

Kerry Washington is opening up about the darkest times in her life and making some shocking revelations.

During a special that aired on Sunday, Washington revealed to Robin Roberts that she contemplated suicide amid “a toxic cycle of self-abuse that utilized the tools of starvation, binge eating, body obsession, and compulsive exercise.”

In one clip from the interview posted to Twitter, the actress admitted that she was in a state where she was “trying to destroy” herself.

“I could feel how the abuse was a way to really hurt myself, as if I didn’t want to be here,” Washington explained. “It scared me that I could not want to be here because I was in so much pain.”

When Roberts asked whether the Golden Globe nominee had considered suicide during that dark time, Washington replied, “Yeah, yeah.”

“The behavior was tiny little acts of trying to destroy myself,” she explained.

.@kerrywashington opens up to @RobinRoberts about how she says her relationship with food and her body once became a toxic cycle of self-abuse: “I could not control it.”

“Kerry Washington: Thicker Than Water” airs Sunday 10/9c on @ABC. pic.twitter.com/z0CxOXBqKd

— Good Morning America (@GMA) September 21, 2023

The Scandal alum went on to say that even though she was able to remain “so high-functioning” in other aspects of her life, “the food took [her] out” with “body dysmorphia” and “body hatred … beyond [her] control.”

 “It really led me to feeling like, ‘I need help for somebody, or something, bigger than me because I’m in trouble, and I don’t know how to live with this,’” Washington explained.

Luckily, the Little Fires Everywhere actress said she currently has a “different” relationship with food and no longer experiences “suicidal ideation.”

“The bottom has gotten a lot higher where just a little discomfort with it is enough for me to know this is a way to check myself,” she said. “But it definitely looks a lot healthier. It’s a lot easier. It’s a lot saner than it used to be.”

This news comes amid the actress discussing discovering that her father is not her biological dad.

Source: Randy Brooke / Getty

Kerry Washington Says That The Show ‘Finding Your Roots’ Led to Discovery She Was Conceived Through A Sperm Donor

While promoting her book Thicker Than Water in an interview PEOPLE, the Scandal star recalled that in 2018 she wanted to discover her family history on Henry Louis Gates Jr’s Finding Your Roots PBS Show.

Source: Randy Brooke / Getty

For some strange reason, however, her parents were hesitant to go through with the process of collecting DNA samples. She later found out that it was because she was conceived via a sperm donor and she was given the details during a family sitdown.

“When I got this information, I was like, ‘Oh. I now know my story,’” Washington who recalled feeling a sense of relief at the news told PEOPLE. “I didn’t know what my story was, but I was playing the supporting character in their story.”

The actress went on to say that she long wondered why she and her father always had issues connecting.

“I’ve always had this weird disconnect with my dad, but I thought that was my fault. I thought I wasn’t a kind enough person. But the idea that I was not his never occurred to me. It was just, why can’t I be better to him? Why can’t we be closer? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with us?” she said.

Kerry Washington appeared in a rare interview together with her parents, Valerie and Earl Washington, for a candid conversation with Robin Roberts about what it was like growing up in the Bronx and about family secrets Kerry reveals in #ThickerThanWater. pic.twitter.com/1a9CCU2gVK

— Robin Roberts (@RobinRoberts) September 25, 2023

Kerry Washington will give more insight into more of her life in her upcoming memoir, Thicker Than Water, which hits bookshelves tomorrow, Tuesday, September 26.

If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. The 988 Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.