Credit: Clifton Prescod/Bravo
Let’s rejoin our Real Housewives of Salt Lake City for some more “rooomors” and innuendo. Let us hope Andy will be able to muddle his way through the rumor sludge so we can get some clarity for not only the cast but also us viewers!
Angie and Monica are still volleying insults back and forth about their footing on this show. She delivers a zinger to Monica by suggesting she spent money on an expensive purse that took food off her kid’s table. Monica is not willing to accept this narrative and fires off, “Keep my f*cking kids out of your f*cking mouth!” Let us applaud Monica for her nice maternal language — she’s working toward being a Linda 2.0.
Andy then delves into the Mommy Dearest drama between Monica and Linda, aka LDMillionaire. Production delivers a messy montage of the two of them at their worst moments. Andy wants to know if there is any truth that Linda put the kibosh on the Bermuda trip with the extended family. Monica shares that Linda did want to go on the trip since she is more “familiar” with the family. She thinks her mother’s annoyance about production’s refusal to invite her could have changed the reception Monica received from her family in Bermuda. Monica says it is an unsolved mystery since these two warring women still have not spoken since filming wrapped.
Andy then wants more background from Monica on her father. Monica shares that he left home when she was four years old to move to Florida. It is inferred that because Linda did not want to move, it abruptly ended her relationship with her dad. Monica has no interest at this point in her life in trying to have a relationship with her dad. Andy then inquires about Linda leaving Monica with a family in Pennsylvania. He asks what was the career that Linda was moving for, and Monica says television. Lisa then explains why she felt the way she did about Linda since she initially found her to be charming. She was then enlightened that Linda was not winning Mother of the Year anytime soon.
Heather and Meredith are not giving us any reaction to Monica’s sob story. They both seem hardened to Monica’s histrionics. Whitney, who she did say awful things about, seems to be drawn into the sob story Monica is telling — since she has “fillings” too, you know. Monica shares that when she did her final interview for the casting she cried to her mom since she felt she had no chance. Linda decided to pray that if Monica did not get the part — then Linda would #famewhore!
Monica shares that when she met her ex-husband, Mike, Linda was jealous of how happy she was. Heather shares that her relationship with her mom is now superficial since her divorce and filming the show. Whitney then needs to gain the lead over everyone and let us know that she did not have a good relationship with her mom for 16 years. She mentions that things are better now, and they had an honest conversation about her childhood.
Andy asks Monica about her falling down Angie’s stairs. Monica says she went down the stairs where there is no railing. Production has a video of this, and it is surprising that they did not share it. Linda had production call her an Uber (sh*tbox Subaru), and Monica had to go to Urgent Care. Angie claims that she had family members leave the party because Monica was causing a scene. Monica threatened to sue Angie over this incident, and she throws Meredith under the bus by saying she could sue and get Angie’s house. Meredith trusted the wrong person to say such an inflammatory statement — if the perpetual liar is telling the truth on this one.
Lisa and Monica continue to scream at each other, and Andy has lost control of the room — again. I cannot listen to this nonsense or the sound of these two annoying voices. Lisa tells Monica she tried to give her an opportunity to explain the hatred she has for her mom, but Monica was hell-bent on insulting Lisa’s age and looks. Monica gets called out on even insulting John Barlow, whom she did not know. “Why would you call the long-suffering John Barlow a penis head?” This man is no d*ck, and he deserves sainthood for having to listen patiently to Lisa while she drones on incessantly.
Monica then gets called out for her four identities, but she will only own up to using three of them. She then gets accused of trying to make herself look more Latino to get on the show. Monica believes the other ladies started that narrative, but then they tell her that came from Jen Shah, prisoner #256777.
Lisa shares that Jack bailed on his mission. Jack submitted a visa photo that showed him shirtless, and his visa was denied. Heather was triggered (over this word) by Jack going on his mission. She is reminded of her past and the hurt and shame she endured. Whitney is now upset because she was called a hypocrite when she supported Jack’s mission. Heather clearly resents that Whit was included in the discussions about Jack after leaving the Mormon Church, but Heather was shut out. Whitney, aka Whiny, needs to stop dragging an apology out of Heather.
Breaktime! Monica is backstage and gets a visit from Mary. She tells her it is a bloodbath out there. Mary tells Monica she has her back.
Mary (dressed in a beautiful blue gown) is now brought out, and Andy calls her out for not attending season two’s reunion. She lets him know it is because she was treated unkindly. Andy asks her who she actually likes on this stage. I expected Meredith’s name to be mentioned, but I did not expect Angie or Monica. Mary explains why Heather was not included, and it was because she called her home a Dr. Seuss design. She sees no issues — which makes me incredulous — with calling Heather inbred. She found the design shade to be more offensive than suggesting an incestual relationship. I-JUST-CANNOT-WITH-THIS-WOMAN!
Andy compliments Mary on spewing nasty comments to people’s faces since it makes for dramatic television. Mary bizarrely gets kudos for not talking behind people’s backs. Andy asks Mary if Robert Jr. is married or not. Mary still has not seen the paperwork. She mentions his wife/girlfriend moved in, and she heard them having sex and told the girlfriend to stop screaming out her orgasms (like she had to do with Grandpa) because it gives him a false sense of confidence. Blurbers, you just cannot make this sh*t up!
Whit gets called out by a viewer for suggesting that Mary and Robert are predators. The viewer wants to know if she was suggesting that they were sexual predators or that they engage in predatory behavior for financial gain with their church. Mary then calls Whitney a racist since the Mormon church was founded on a doctrine rooted in racism. Whit is clearly flustered with this label, and she asks Mary if she ever said or did anything to her that would suggest she was being a racist. Mary will only say that as a Black woman, she gets the feeling that Whit is. Whitney then tries to redeem herself and lets Mary know she recognizes that she gets a leg up because of her white privilege.
Andy then asks Mary, since she was not in Bermuda, what were her thoughts on the finale. Mary thinks it was a pile-on over a troll account that she knows nothing about. Lisa lets Mary know she was also a target of Monica, who called her a dumb b*tch. Mary acts unaffected since she clearly is going to be Team Monica.
Heather then rolls the audio tape from Monica’s friend to show Mary that Monica was trashing her as well. Monica, who is stuck in the mud, is now spinning a story that Heather is not playing the other side of the conversation, which would clear her. She then lets the ladies know that Reality Von Tease is comprised of six people: Monica Fowler and her three identities plus two others. Mary tells Andy he needs to give Victim-ca a chance to share her truth, and he tells Mary that Monica will get her opportunity to do that in the next episode. Next week, Blurbers, we finally hear some version of Monica’s “truth” and the backstory on Heather’s black eye. See you tonight in Miami for some spicy drama!
TELL US — THOUGHTS ON THIS RHOSLC EPISODE?
