James Pees in Sandoval’s Bush

If you ask me, Ann, Sandoval‘s assistant, is the real MVP on this episode of Vanderpump Rules.  Trying to navigate the waters between Ariana and Sandoval is rocky, to say the least, and when Sandoval throws a birthday party in the mix, it gets nearly impossible to keep the peace.  Plus, LVP bids farewell to Pump restaurant after ten years.  It’s the end of an era…

Ariana’s bedroom looks like a 14-year-old boy’s room who is angry at his mom for taking away his X-box. Translation: it’s an absolute mess.  Sandoval has returned from New Zealand and that means he is back to sharing the house with his ex. Sandoval catches up with Ann, who also happens to be the only person who can tolerate talking to him…and that’s likely because she’s getting a paycheck from him.

Ann knows all the players and how worlds got rocked due to Scandoval and so she wonders if Sandoval and Schwartz are ok these days. Things are really NOT good between the Toms and Sandoval is agitated that Schwartz would betray him and talk sh*t about him on Jax’s podcast.  Typical Sandoval behavior: deflect the negativity and push it onto someone else.

It turns out that tomorrow is Sandoval’s birthday and so he decides the best thing would be to throw a party at THIS house, ya know, the one he shares with Ariana.  After seeing Ann’s terrified face, as she is the middleman to deliver this news to Ariana, Sandoval offers to get Ariana a fancy hotel room for the night on his dime.  How sweet of him.

Obviously Ariana hates this birthday plan, especially after remembering some of Sandoval’s past bangers that went on for too long and ended in messes.  And so she kiboshes Sandoval’s potential plan to party.

LVP prepares for the end of an era.  After ten years, Pump is closing- the rent is going up and Ken is looking to retire (and begin his career as gossip reporter as per his stint last season). LVP reflects on how the restaurant will be missed, but it is time to move on.

James and Ally are out for a walk and they muse about adopting a dog, even though James bemoans his busy DJ “career.” Whilst on the topic of dogs, James worries about Graham, the dog he shared with Raquel/Rachel, and hopes he isn’t getting out and stuck in cacti in Arizona.

Tom’s friend, Jason, comes over…and we don’t know who Jason is, because Sandoval is scraping the bottom of the barrel for a friend since the scandal broke.  It turns out that Jason is the manager of Sandoval’s band.  While chatting, Sandoval states he is still “very much in love” with Raquel and is hopeful they can give their relationship a real chance after all the dust has settled.

Poor Ann has to let Sandoval know that if he throws a party, Ariana will call the police and so, instead of moving the party elsewhere, Sandoval attempts to compromise by having everyone out by midnight.

Ariana and Lala, the newest forced friendship, meet up for some smoothies.  Ariana tells Lala how Sandoval had the audacity to try and throw his birthday party in their shared home. Lala plays the other side and reminds Ariana that Sandoval is allowed to do that and she ponders if it would just be easier if Ariana were to move out.

Ariana explains that she is refusing to let Sandoval assert his dominance. Lala thinks that Sandoval is getting off by making her uncomfortable, but Ariana refuses to have Sandoval buy her out and keep the home that he broke. On a different note, Ariana swoons as she talks about a future with her new man, Dan, who actually makes her think about family planning and being an equal partner.

LVP and Ken roll up to applause at Pump for the final goodbye. She gets handed a microphone and gives a heartfelt speech about all the moments over the past ten years and then a party ensues.  The gang rolls up and Schwartz even gets himself behind the bar…and he does better than the first time he was back there years ago.

Schwartz chats with LVP (after clearing the table of the girls as if he had some sort of catching disease) about his troubles with Sandoval.  Apparently, Sandoval has been slacking, but LVP thinks it’s unfair to blame Sandoval for the demise of the restaurant (is she insinuating the place just sucks?).  Instead, she advises him to talk to Sandoval about his feelings.

Later, we are treated to Scheana (and Brock) in a recording studio. She talks about Emo Night to help re-bond the friendships between Ariana, Lala, and Katie. Currently, Scheana is working on making “Good as Gold” a screamo version to play at the next emo night.  Brock believes that Scheana was made for the spotlight and even though Scheana realizes she isn’t THAT great at music, she’s ready for her reunion tour. Scheana discusses her post-partum OCD and how she is going to start letting someone outside of their family watch Summer, which is a huge step.

The Toms meet up and Sandoval shares that he is sober (because Rachel was going away to a sober facility and he had hopes of staying sober together). Sandoval talks about his trip to New Zealand and acknowledges the collateral damage he did to the bar. Sandoval explains how his bank account was overdrawn, Ariana hasn’t paid any bills in 8 months (including the GARDENER-wtf), and he is struggling.

Sandoval’s feelings are hurt as Schwartz tries to explain his point of view.  He tells Sandoval, “All you should be saying is I’m sorry.”  Amen. Schwartz wants Sandoval to give a sh*t about something other than himself –good luck. When Sandoval brings up his birthday party, Schwartz says he is going to do what’s best for him now, leaving us to wonder if he will show up.

Scheana is prepping for the first outsider to babysit Summer…and it is her friend Tori. Scheana explains how she gets emotional over simple tasks and the what ifs of life get in the way.  Brock claims that Scheana surrounds herself with yes people and Scheana’s momma gets defensive. Scheana really wants to be able to get to a place where she stops worrying about something bad happening to the people she loves and wants to enjoy living in the moment again.

James and Ally have Schwartz over to Casa Kennedy. Schwartz can’t help but feel a little jealous getting the tour of the crib and sits down to have Ally do a reading on him, as she has recently started her astrology business. She calls Schwartz a people person and in the midst of this reading, James gets a text from Sandoval inviting James and Ally to his birthday party. Is this the Twilight Zone? James accepts only after hearing Schwartz will be in attendance for a bit. Sandoval wasn’t kidding when he said his friend group shrunk, huh?

All James wishes to hear Sandoval say is I’m sorry and Ally decides she will wait in the car as James pops into the party for a few. Luckily, Ariana is not home, as she is doing emo night with the girls, which is far more fun than this 12 person gathering. So far, this “party” is Sandoval’s band and crew members, plus Billie Lee, Sandoval’s roommate/friend?? Even though he is sober, Sandoval is still in a celebratory mood. Schwartz brings a cake and James doesn’t recognize anyone in attendance at this party. James asks to speak to the birthday boy himself and tells Sandoval that he was expecting an apology text that never came.

James asks if Sandoval is sorry for betraying him and of course, you guessed it, Sandoval deflects.  He  brings up the Kristen/James affair from 2013 and wonders how he should take accountability when James will not.  Sandoval calls James narcissistic and as James exits in anger, he pees on the bush out front of the house like a mad dog.  Well, I am glad everyone has grown up!  To be continued…

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