‘SNL’ Parodies Spate Of Random Attacks On Actors In NYC

The recent assault on Steve Buscemi on the streets of New York City spawned a skit for SNL that featured Jake Gyllenhaal as an NYPD sergeant urging bad guys to “stop punching character actors in the face.”

Speaking at a press conference for reporters, Gyllenhaal called character actors “the life blood of the entertainment industry” and expressed concern about the assaults on these “national treasures.” He said the attack on Buscemi followed similar ones on Rick Moranis and the “shocking versatile Michael Stuhlbarg.”

He went on to define character actors as “actors who faces you can remember but names you cannot,” including anyone “who has ever been on the TV show Boardwalk Empire, you have a face that makes casting directors go ‘oh interesting,’” and “your IMDB page has over 100 entries but all your characters just have a first name.”

Gyllenhaal then vowed to offer protection for character actors like Stephen Roots, “who should avoid mass transit,” while Paul Giamatti has been advised to “shelter in place.”

Other character actors who Gyllenhaal said have been put on high alert are William Fichtner, Judy Greer, Walt Goggins and Stephen Tobolowsky.

The skit ended with a special appearance by Jon Hamm, who asked Gyllenhaal if he should be worried about a random attack. “I can’t get punched. Without this beautiful face, I’m just a tall guy with a beautiful body.”