“I feel ugly. I’m heartbroken. I feel alone and like I have no one to talk to,” says the woman, after asking her husband a question she clearly wasn’t prepared for him to answer.
A woman found herself second-guessing her relationship just three weeks before her wedding, after her husband let him know she simply was “not his type.”
Taking to Reddit’s Relationship Advice forum, the anonymous author was met with replies to run for the hills … and not down the aisle … after sharing her story. Others, however, thought OP (AKA “Original Poster”) might be jumping to conclusions.
Keep reading to see how it all played out.
Truth Hurts
“My Fiancé told me (31 F) I am not his (30 M) type. We’re getting married in 3 weeks. How can I move forward?” OP asked at the top of her post.
She went on to explain that she’s a 31-year-old woman whose 30-year-old fiancé popped the question almost a year ago, after nearly 10 years of dating. Their wedding is just weeks away, with OP saying she wanted a short engagement “because I feel like I’m getting old and I didn’t want to look old in my wedding pictures.”
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The woman shared that she’s been “working on my appearance a ton” before walking down the aisle, saying she’s lost weight, toned her body and has been “feeling really great about myself and the way I look” after more trips to the gym.
“A couple weeks ago out of curiosity I asked my fiancé if he had a type because I had seen someone ask that on a TV show, realized I had never asked him and was curious. He told me I was his type and he thinks I’m beautiful and he loves me,” she shared.
But then, a few weeks later, he changed his tune.
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After watching a TV show together, he began to tell her she should get a sleeve tattoo like one of the characters on the series — before “he started acting strangely and any time the character would do something I disagreed with he would defend her.” She added that him playing “devil’s advocate” wasn’t really anything new, though she admitted feeling “really flustered” whenever he does that “because I don’t feel like my opinion is being heard.”
When she then asked if he found the woman on the TV show attractive, “he said yes that he likes her aesthetic and then went off to name a bunch of things he liked about her that is the opposite of what I look like (blonde hair, blue eyes, lots of tattoos and a rock and roll girl kind of vibe).” He then went on to specifically say she was his type, now that he had time to think about the answer to her previous question.
“I asked if I was his type and he said no, but that he still finds me beautiful and that he loves me,” she added.
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“The cherry on top is that his ex before me had this type of look, when I brought this up he said personality is very important to him too, and she did not have a good personality,” OP continued. “I’m not really sure what to do because my spirit is absolutely crushed. I feel ugly. I’m heartbroken. I feel alone and like I have no one to talk to.”
In a number of edits to her original post — to clarify and respond to some of the commentary — the writer said her man is “very much” attracted to her and “does not want to back out” of the wedding. She also added that she didn’t “nag” him about getting married and has “never cared or needed a big spectacle of it.”
Run or Stay?
Many Redditors used this opportunity to tell OP to run for the hills. The most upvoted comment was a social media user calling the conversation from OP’s fiancé “self sabotage” before giving them the benefit of the doubt.
“Honestly, I would ask him what he hoped would come of this conversation and revelation and how you could hope to continue on as you had. It feels like outright self sabotage on his part, that’s basically begging for the wedding to be canceled surely,” they wrote before adding that “maybe he is really is just lacking empathy.”
“Maybe he likes being aggressive, contrarian, making you feel self conscious. It seems that it has been a running theme where he’ll intentionally put himself at ends with you and you always end up feeling flustered or defeated. I could see this as being a continuation of that trend.” The user goes on to warn OP to “be careful”.
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Meanwhile, another kept it short and … not so sweet.
“You got this gift before you married. Use it well,” the user wrote in a comment met with over 1.6k up votes. Another left a similar message: “Ten freaking years and he tells you this after he proposes and three weeks before the wedding. Good grief this isn’t going to end well. I hope you’ll reconsider this wedding.”
“Don’t marry someone that isn’t your best friend and your best confidant,” another added, warning OP to avoid marriage with this person.
Another tried to get OP to focus on what really matters in relationships.
“If I were you I’d be less concerned with his superficial type and way more concerned over his enjoying being the devils advocate. That gets really old really fast,” they began. “You also seem to be very focused on looks, you don’t want to look old in the pictures, you’ve been working so hard to look good, you feel confident all based on looks. Seems like you place all your value in how you look.”
However, another had a eerily similar situation which has not ended well for them.
“Do not marry him,” the Reddit user warned. “My husband didn’t tell me I wasn’t good type until after we got married. I spent 13 years feeling bad about myself and the past 2 realizing what he thinks doesn’t matter. We’re separating, it’s hell.”
But it wasn’t all words of caution, with some saying it’s really not that big of a deal. “My type is tall and dark, my husband doesn’t fit that mold,” wrote one commenter. “All of his girlfriends before me were little and blonde, and I’m not that either. So???”
Another commenter agreed, writing, “My type is punk rock guys with tattoos and messy hair, I’ll always be unusually attracted to that, and my husband doesn’t fit that look at all. And I’d never in a million years consider myself unhappy or looking for something else, because a solid relationship has 1000 different factors that come together to make it work. and looks are 1.”
“Not being someone’s “type” is nothing. It does not matter. A person can fall in love and find someone incredible who isn’t their ‘type’ just fine,” added another commenter. “What is an issue is if he is causing you to feel ugly, or less than, or anything like that. *That* is a problem.”
What do you think?
