A man who admits to developing “a bit of a gut and a love handles situation” asks for advice after getting into a “stand-off” with his girlfriend over his weight — as he accuses her of just “missing” his “model body.”
A former full-time male model has taken to the internet for advice, after his girlfriend pointed out his recent weight gain and accused him of “giving up” on his dream.
The OP (a.k.a “original poster”) shared his story to Reddit’s AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, telling the forum that he has gained weight, but doesn’t care about the extra pounds. His other half, however, seems to care about it a lot more than he does — sparking issues in their relationship.
Read on to see what went down, and how Redditors reacted.
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OP began explaining his situation by recalling how he landed his dream role in New York City.
“I’m (M23) a model in New York. When I was 19, I had gotten an awesome contract opportunity and moved to NYC basically living my dream job. I’ve been dating my girlfriend (F23) for 2 years now, but we’ve been friends for longer, so she knew this was my dream. Now I’m working freelance modeling,” he said, before sharing that his modeling jobs have died down.
“In the last year, I’ve gained a little bit of weight. Nothing outrageous, but I don’t have abs anymore, and I have a bit of a gut now. I’m 6’1 and weighed about 160, but now weigh around 190. I think it’s probably related that I’ve also gotten significantly less modeling gigs in the last year. To compensate for the lack of income, I got a part-time job hosting in a restaurant,” OP continued, before sharing how his girlfriend approached his weight gain.
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“A couple of nights ago, my girlfriend had a conversation with me about my weight gain, the first time we’ve really talked about it. She was concerned that I was giving up my dream by letting myself go, and didn’t want me to see me get a full-on beer belly,” he said.
“I’ve honestly been happy just working the hosting job, it’s less stressful and I have more of a consistent schedule. I told her this, but she said that I was suppressing and giving up when I didn’t have to. I told her that I didn’t care that I gained weight and that she shouldn’t comment on my body. She kept pushing that I should care a little bit more. I then said that she just missed my model body, and she got hurt by that, saying that I was accusing her of being shallow,” he said, adding that the pair are now in a “stand off” since talking about it.
“I don’t think I fully believe her that she’s truly just looking out for my dreams,” he concluded, before asking, “Am I the a-hole for not caring?”
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He added some further points to the bottom of his original post to ensure repliers had all the information.
“INFO: My girlfriend was already in NYC when I started dating her. She loves New York but I think probably would have left by now for finance reasons if it wasn’t for my modeling career,” he added.
“I gained most of the weight in just over the last year,” he added. “I’m 193 lbs now, and the weight has settled as a bit of a gut and a love handles situation. It’s mostly a result of gym less and beer.”
With over 1.2k up votes and more than 320 comments, Reddit decided that neither the boyfriend nor the girlfriend were totally in the wrong and there were No A-Holes Here (NAH).
“NAH. I can see her perspective,” the top comment with more than 3k upvotes began.
“From her side, you were doing a job that you dreamed about, that must have taken a huge amount of grind to achieve success in. Now you’re doing a job that from an exterior perspective appears less desirable and with fewer prospects, and there has been an associated weight gain,” the Redditor added, saying that they think his girlfriend might believe OP could be “depressed, losing motivation etc and is worried that you may be missing opportunities” due to the added weight.
“I’d say it’s the role of a life partner to at least touch base when they witness a big life shift like this. I can totally see how it would upset you… But I don’t think she’s necessarily being shallow to ask what’s going on,” they added.
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Another commenter wondered whether OP might be considering a change in career.
“NAH. HOWEVER. As someone who works in the restaurant industry for a young man like you I would see hosting as a stepping stone for you. Many artists, performers, models all work as hosts/server/bartenders to support themselves while pursuing their dream. Are you hosting because you want a career in restaurants? Are you happier because life is less stressful, or because life is now ‘easier,'” the Redditor asked.
“NAH It reads like you were modeling and loved it and now have found something else you enjoy too and that job has different physical requirements than the job you had,” added another.
“However I’m guessing your GF isn’t wrong and that your appearance will impact your ability to maintain work in the modeling industry,” they continued, adding to the even-keeled responses.
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“NTA. First, it’s your body, and if you are content with it, and not complaining about it all the time (and doing nothing about it) then it’s your choice,” read another comment, which pointed out the “very limited lifespan” for the majority of models. “Not sure if hosting is that thing, but you’re branching out and trying other things, and finding what you like/don’t like,” they added.
“She may not BTA for bringing it up though, either,” that person also added. “Perhaps she’s wondering if you’re really committed to that world anymore, you don’t say if she’s a part of that world, but if she is, and is deeply committed to it, you guys might just be coming at a point in your lives where paths might start to diverge. Neither person is bad or an AH for that – it’s just a part of life.”
What do you think?
