All my single ladies, stand up.
We’ve all been there before. Swiping left or right endlessly on a dating app, or striking up mindless conversation with a stranger, with hopes of actually meeting in person one day, just to be let down.
Dating, especially in the digital age, takes a lot of work and alter your confidence. And after countless rejections and experiencing conversations that lead nowhere, it’s easy to want to give up. But if you’re a hopeless romantic like me, and believe that love is just around the corner, consider not taking yourself out of the game just yet, but instead switching up your approach of how you’re deciding to navigate the dating apps. To help you get started, we’ve enlisted the help of Damona Hoffman, who is a celebrity dating coach, host of the award-winning podcast Dates & Mates, and the official love expert of The Drew Barrymore Show.
At first her advice for how to not to experience fatigue while navigating dating apps may sound counterintuitive, but effective. “ I tell my clients and Dates & Mates listeners to use the apps more mindfully instead of falling into the fatigued sign-on, sign-off, delete the app, reinstall the app….wash, rinse repeat cycle which leads to Zombie Dating,” Hoffman shares.
But first, what is Zombie Dating? According to Hoffman, it’s when users on the app are consistently swiping but not fully immersed with others. “Many users are on the apps but zombie swiping and not really engaging. They are stuck in endless text threads, frustrated with apps putting useful features behind paywalls, yet unwilling to pay for a once-free service, and getting ghosted at never-seen-before rates,” she says.
So what is the fix? According to Hoffman it’s about being mindful and intentional. “First, I recommend that daters who stay on the apps begin to practice dating hygiene. Dating Hygiene means using the apps more mindfully, tracking what’s happening with your matches and dates, and eliminating go-nowhere connections,” she states.
She continues, “Choose when and how you engage with the apps. Turn off notifications so you’re not constantly being hijacked by the dopamine of a like or message. Then, unmatch and disengage from text threads that don’t materialize into a date within the first week.”
It’s important to remember that the fatigue comes from the rollercoaster of emotions and constantly getting your hopes up and having them crushed in an endless cycle of disappointment. To combat this, take the wheel and steer yourself away from the connections and dating app actions that drain you rather than pushing the entire app or dating process away in disgust. That will only lead to more dating disillusionment and push you further from the goal of connection we all crave right now.
