Thanksgiving, to many, is the official bell that rings in the holiday season. According to a Pew research study, about 91% of Americans celebrate it. Traditionally, families partake in the festivities with an elaborate dinner prepared by the matriarch, with female relatives helping with the culinary duties, while the men in the family pass time watching football until dinner starts.
But more and more men are no longer shying away from attempting to share in the culinary responsibilities. There is a role reversal happening where the men are taking over in the kitchen. Black male chefs say it’s about time.
Self-taught, LA-based traveling chef Jeffrey Smith Jr., owner of the catering company Best Kept Secrets International, tells ESSENCE that cooking is for everyone. “I think that cooking is not something that is based on one’s gender. I see it as a form of creative expression.”
St. Louis-based chef Que Dunn, known as Chef Que, agrees. He has gained popularity through TikTok by showcasing his cooking abilities. He believes younger generations are no longer subscribing to gender norms, including when it comes to who’s cooking.
“I do think it’s becoming more of an even split. I believe this generation doesn’t have the same mindset as the previous ones,” he says. “Women find men who can cook attractive. They find that to be an attractive trait.”
Chef Que’s comfort in the kitchen came from watching his father, who would return home late, cook quick, delicious meals while his mom slept. His earliest memories were around four or five, watching his dad make a little bit of everything, including spaghetti.
“Since I was probably about four or five, I just remember him when he would be in the kitchen and that’s when I was like, this is my opportunity to spend time with him. So every time he would come home I would want to be in the kitchen with him,” he says. “He was showing me how to cook. He would break spaghetti in half to boil. I don’t do that now but that’s how he would do it.”
He attests that witnessing the respect his family had for his father when he would bring his popular chicken wings to family gatherings encouraged him to get serious about food. He went on to study at the Art Institute of St. Louis’ in their culinary arts program. “My dad was loud and the center of attention. I remember he brought some chicken wings to a family gathering and everyone was obsessed with his chicken,” he recalls. “I thought to myself if I want to be the center of attention with my family and have everyone love and respect me, I can get it through food.”
As a father himself, Chef Que is now teaching his seven-year-old son, who you can see featured in a few of his videos on TikTok, how to cook. “With my son it’s an opportunity for him to bond with me,” he says proudly. “Most kids like video games and he’s one of those kids that do but since I’m not a video game person we bond over cooking, something we both enjoy.”
Nashville-based personal chef and owner of The Salted Table, Charles Hunter III, says his earliest memories in the kitchen involved helping his grandmother and great-grandmother prepare meals for their family. Those practices inspired Charles to complete culinary school and work in the restaurant business before transitioning into becoming a private chef and business owner.
“I was in the kitchen with grandma, sitting on the chair, licking spoons, helping stir things, whatever she would let me do,” he recalls. The women in my family cooked a lot. Saturday was breakfast and Sundays included supper after church. I just always loved food. I would be in the kitchen trying to see what they were doing.”
Hunter says they also made their food from scratch by living off the land.
“My grandmother and great-grandmother were very country women. I would get off the school bus and see them skinning squirrels, or boiling turtles, or chopping off a chicken’s head on a wooden block in the back,” he says. “It was very unexpected for the middle of suburbia.”
Like most private chefs, Thanksgiving is one of the busier holidays, and also a favorite one. He plans to host dinner at home with his wife. He’s taken on the cooking responsibilities for his extended family as a way to give his mother a break in the kitchen.
“We stick to the standard of turkey, ham, dressing, mac and cheese, candied sweet potatoes, collard greens. We shoot down the list and whoever is best at making a particular dish would stick to preparing those,” he says. “We create a plan of execution and I try to put my spin on things. I just love being in the kitchen. It’s a dream job that I fell into that I didn’t even know I wanted.”
Charles says he believes gender roles shouldn’t deter men from getting in the kitchen. They may end up loving it, too. “Cooking is a life skill,” Hunter says. “It’s something everybody should know how to do. Even if it’s on a super basic foundational level, everyone should be able to bring ingredients into a pot and make it edible.”
