“My sister has been calling me a jerk, and some people are saying I went to far,” read the post, which sparked a massive debate over “appropriate” funeral attire.
A person took to the internet to ask whether they were in the wrong for putting up a stink about the outfit their sister wore to their father’s funeral.
The story, shared to an anonymous forum, certainly had Redditors talking, generating more than 4,000 comments in less than 24 hours on the site. The debate got so rough on the post, with a large volume of “rule violating comments,” it was eventually restricted to only “trusted community members”
Read on to see how all of this played out.
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Original AITA Post on Reddit
Writing about the funeral for their father, OP wondered in their post headline whether they were the a-hole “for kicking out my sister for her emo outfit and telling her she can go to the funeral when she wears respectable clothes.”
“Last weekend was my dad’s funeral. I planned it since my mom has been a [wreck]. My mom and my sister are not close. I am also not close to her and I think she is a dick. So I am probably bias,” OP prefaced the post.
Then came the issue at hand.
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“My sister dresses in the emo style. So skulls, collars, lots of blacks and reds, heavy makeup and so on. I truly don’t care most of the time, she can wear what she wants. This is a issue at important events, my wedding she did this even after she agreed to tone it down,” wrote OP. “She is always going full out with her outfits. I don’t understand why she won’t ever tone it down.”
According to OP, their sister showed up to the funeral “wearing a short skirt, band t-shirt, heavy makeup, fishnets and jewelry (collar thing and skulls)” — adding she “was very upset that she couldn’t dress appropriately for a funeral and I told her to leave.”
OP said their sister “got pissed” after being told to “go home and put on a respectable outfit,” claiming her sibling stayed at the event “until my mom told her to get the f–k out since she can’t dress appropriately.” Per OP, their sister then left and didn’t come back, claiming others agreed her outfit “was out of line for a funeral.”
“My sister has been calling me a jerk, and some people are saying I went to far,” they concluded.
Reddit Responds
Reaction was split on the post, with a number of community members asking additional questions about the situation in the comments.
One user shared their own personal story about a “beautiful” dress their cousin wore to their grandmother’s funeral. Though they said “most people probably wouldn’t have considered her dress appropriate,” the commenter said their grandmother specifically asked the cousin to wear it — adding, “Just remember, there may be more to the story. So don’t make assumptions.”
In response, OP said that certainly was not the case here.
“I know for a fact my dad didn’t ask her to dress emo for his funeral,” they wrote. “She hasn’t talked to him in forever and didn’t even say goodbye to him on his death bed.”
Another commenter wondered how old the sibling was, with OP saying 26. “I don’t understand why she couldn’t just throw on a black dress and wear some of her jewelry,” added OP.
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The most liked comment on the post said OP was NTA (Not the A-hole) in this situation.
“NTA, a miniskirt and fishnets is not even in the realm of appropriate for a funeral. It would be much different if she’d worn a black dress with some jewelry in her style. But at 26, she should know that this was tone deaf at best and attention seeking at worst,” read the comment. “Though the added context that she didn’t even bother coming to see your father on his deathbed is what pushed this into you not being the s-hole for me.”
“Yes, everybody grieves different. But you weren’t dictating her grief process the way a lot of these comments seem to believe, just trying to make the funeral a respectful atmosphere for the sake of your mother,” they added.
Another said the situation would likely spark a “divide based on demographics, most likely age” — but agreed “there are times, places, and standards where different clothes are expected or required..”
“You can dress/do what you want, but if you choose to step outside what a known/stated standard is, you aren’t free from consequences, whether that’s not getting a job or irritation/judgment from family,” added the popular comment.
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Someone who said OP was, indeed, the a-hole, shared an anecdote about a funeral for their own sibling — saying someone showed up dressed as a pirate.
“Some of my sibling’s clients came to the service dressed in jeans and a tshirt, lots of my sibling’s friends came in goth attire, hell one of my sibling’s former friends even came in a full on f–king pirate costume,” they wrote. “I didn’t ask any of them to leave, because how they chose to dress to process their grief and honor my sibling was completely private for them.”
“Did I talk s–t about her with my and my sibling’s mutual friends after the services? You bet your ass,” they added. “But did I disrupt my sibling’s funeral to tell someone to leave over a ridiculous outfit choice? Absolutely not.”
Another person defended OP’s sibling by saying, “Appropriate funeral attire’ is completely subjective, anyway,” while others felt OP’s existing frustrations with their sister was really at the root of the problem.
The thousands of comments were clearly split — what do you think?
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